A little beach, somewhere in France
by Nibsfics
Summary: [Actor!AU] Lovino Vargas is a young actor still struggling to live from his profession. When he auditions for that one film, what he finds is way more than he expected.
1. Chapter 1 - Prologue

«_ it's a bad idea._ » Lovino thought for himself as he rushed against the wind and down the subway.

Why did he accept this audition anyway ?...well, his agent _**was** _scary, it wasn't like he could say no anyway…but still, he knew this was not for him. It would be a big film, historical…Lovino had a bad feeling about this.

Still there he was, 8 am that Monday, in the Parisian Subway, going to try his chance with what could be the part of his life.

He managed to find the building, then the right hallway, then the right room. He checked his phone one last time : "You can do it ! xxxx" the text was from his best friend Emma. Lovino felt a bit warmer.

Someone introduced him inside, where two persons where sitting in front of a small stage.

The guy gave him a daring glare. The woman was clearly quietly detailing him and judging every piece of his person. Lovino wanted to run.

Finally the girl smiled. She had a very pretty smile. A very pretty everything actually; she was gorgeous. With long, wavy brown hair, hazel eyes, and a curious little flower-clip holding here bangs on the side. "Hi ! You must be Lovino Vargas. Please feel free to start anytime." Her tone was friendly, which was pretty surprising for that kind of audition.

Feeling mildly reassured, Lovino stepped on the stage, glanced at the guy - still glaring coldly at him, closed his eyes briefly, and started acting the part he had prepared.

It was something classical; Shakespeare's Romeo during the fight scene.

When he finished, there was a floating moment where nobody reacted. Then the man who had been silent until then burst into laughter. A shaky, uncontrolled laughter, in fact kind of gross.

The guy looked generally gross anyway, now that Lovino had a moment to observe him. He had this strange white-ish hair, his eyes were a colorful brown, almost red, and he was wearing some worn out hoodie that he must had been wearing for weeks.

The woman looked up at Lovino with an apologetic smile, and smacked her partner behind the head.

"Gilbert, seriously, I'm gonna finish alone if you keep doing that !"

"Sorry, sorry, fact is, I like the guy I tell you !"

Lovino was still kind of standing there, not really knowing how to react. He coughed loudly :

"I…" "Please !" the woman interrupted, "please, Lovino, thank you for this, could you wait outside for a minute ? This guy and I have to_ talk_." she glared at him, insisting on the last word.

In the hallway, Lovino waited. He was angry. Angry after this guy openly laughing at him like that. Nobody seemed to ever take him seriously. What was he supposed to do now ? What did this all "we need to talk" thing meant anyway ? He half-considered leaving right away...

Instead, he took a coffee at the vending machine that was there, a strong black espresso, and sit to wait.

"Hi!" the voice went from Lovino's left. A man was standing there.

"You here for the part ?" he asked. Lovino looked up from his coffee. The man was kind of tall, with..the brightest, greenest eyes Lovino had ever seen. "uhm I..yeah I..I was told to wait outside.." Lovino answered, looking away. And what the hell was that anyway, acting all shy. What was he, a high-schooler ?

"Oh really ?..Well, then I can tell you you have your chances." The man said with a smile, sitting at Lovino's side.

"Yeah ?"

"Yep, trust me I know these guys. Did the white haired jerk laugh at you ?"

"uhm..yeah he did, but-"

"Good ! He does that. Sorry about him by the way." He winked (he actually fucking winked saying that, who does that ?)

Lovino didn't know what to say. He looked at the man by his side. That charming smile, this dark hair…Lovino was sure he had seen him somewhere.

"I'm Antonio," he said, offering a hand.

Antonio ! Couldn't be. And now the bastard was laughing because of Lovino's face. Lovino practically growled.

"Lovino." He said shortly, taking his hand. Said hand was big, slightly bigger than Lovino's, more tanned, too. With long fingers, and skin a bit rougher on the tips..a musician's hand, Lovino thought. Then he shaked his mind.

"So, uhm, it's you right ? The first role ?"

"That's me ! It's nice to meet you Lovino. If you say he laughed, it's pretty sure we'll get to work together."

Oh man, the guy was so cheerful it hurt.

"You shouldn't say that..you're giving me hope there" Lovino couldn't help but half-smile.

"Nah," Antonio laughed again, "I tell you, I know this guy. He's the worst, but there are some things you can be sure about him. I'm positive."

"How long have you known him ?"

"Well…long enough..We went to college together actually. We had this whole "cinematographic" dream, and he used to say that when he would get to make a big film, I would definitely get the first role. Guess the dude keeps his promises."

"Oh..you wouldn't think that of him."

"Sure, but, you know…you get used to him I suppose. He's fun when he tries !"

"Yeah sure..and the woman ? Do you know her too ?"

"Not as much as I know Gil. But I like her. She really likes her job and she gives her best. Oh but, friend's advice, don't get her mad. You don't want to do that."

Lovino laughed at this. He had seen how she acted with Gilbert, he could only imagine her being really angry.

The door opened. "Talkin' 'bout the wolf," Antonio smiled. He had this tone in his voice that forced you to smile when he talked. Lovino was not used to this.

"Hi, Tonio !" The woman said gleefully, then added, coldly "where you talking shit again ?"

"Tonio's there ?" the gravelly voice asked eagerly from inside the room, like a very deep-voiced kid hearing that his father's home. He dashed outside -dashed-, and hugged the taller man, actually lifting him.

And once again, Lovino was uncomfortable. "Toni ! I was waiting for you, man. Come, I must show you something" and there he dragged him back inside.

The woman, who had stayed there with Lovino, smiled at him :

"Let the children play together. We have important stuff to talk about."

Lovino followed her in a small but comfy office, though not very personal.

"Lovino Vargas.." she said thoughtfully, like she was searching the answers to all her questions into Lovino's name. "We have something for you, Sir." She finally said, smiling more widely than before, a sincere smile this time.

"We actually had seen you before; we watched some of your previous work with attention when we learnt you would audition. You are a very promising young man, it's what I think. I'd like to give you a chance. I really see you in our second role. What do you think? Here is the general summary. Oh, and I'm Elizavèta, by the way. Elizavèta Herdèrvary; I'm one of the writers of this baby. Please, call me Eliza."

Bewildered, Lovino took the paper and started reading. He only knew the general story. The film was about the French resistance during WWII. The action would take place and be filmed in the North of France, hence the auditions in Paris. The directing team had been working from this place for 3 months already, and still there was a lot to do before filming. What Lovino didn't know was the story itself. His role was that of a young Italian boy who had joined the resistance after the events in his own country. In 1945, in found himself in the North of France, becoming one of the many men who would make the final difference. Then it came to the main plot : In France, Lovino's character met….the first role, Antonio's, and they fell in love.

Ok. So that was a surprise.

Lovino looked up at the woman from behind the sheet. She had a sweet smile on her lips. Like she was totally picturing her long-awaited kiss between Antonio and this freshly found Italian.

Lovino sighed. He was grounded. He put the paper back on the table. "Let's do this, then." he said.

* * *

Lovino had been told to come back three days later for the final auditions. All of this was still spinning his head a bit.

Because it was crazy. He had been working so hard, fighting to get every part he got, remaining unknown and being shouted at a lot by his agent.

And finally, finally, someone told him the role could be just for him, just like that, when he wasn't even hoping for anything anymore. And it was not any role, it was a big production and everything.

Yes, Lovino was stunned.

He flipped open his phone and dialed his brother's number.

"Hi big brother !" the familiar overly-cheesy-voice purred into the phone.

"Hiya. You better be at your place, I'm coming right now"

"Sure, I'm not going anywhere. How was it ? Tell me, tell me, how did you do ?"

"DUDE, stop screaming in my ears ! Dammit, i'm not telling you on the phone ! Wait for me." and he closed his phone on this, smirking.

Ok, smirking, because yes, his little brother was a pain in the ass, who drove Lovino insane most of the time, but Lovino couldn't help it. He loved the little guy. And hanging up on him on the phone was always that satisfying, so why stop ?

Back at his brother's small flat, where Lovino stayed while he had these auditions, he didn't even have the chance to open the door that the guy was jumping around him like a happy puppy.

"Feli, for god's sake ! Give me a break !"

Feli was laughing cheerfully "I'm sure you've got something to tell me, I know you too well~"

Lovino sighed and sat on the couch. The flat was kind of messy, but with a sort of organization into the chaos. Like only Feliciano would be able to achieve. You could also know exactly when his boyfriend was over for a while, because it was always way tidier then. Lovino still couldn't understand how these two were still together. His boyfriend, Ludwig, a big German guy, was the exact opposite of his carefree little brother. Calm and composed, and an organization freak.

When you got used to the messiness everywhere, you could see what the flat was supposed to be like. It was a small appartment, on the 6th floor of a building in the 6th district of Paris. There were 3 rooms; one living room, one bathroom and the bedroom. There was not much furniture, just the couch, a table with some chairs, and an easel, for Feli was a painter. Apart from that, there was nothing, because he didn't like to be distracted when he was painting. He said he didn't need anything besides his passion.

Feliciano sat back behind his canvas, where he had probably been sitting all morning, and started painting again. Lovino could see his progress from the couch, which was behind the easel. He did love to watch his brother work. He had always been better than Lovino at this.

"So I went through the first step. I have to come back in a couple of days to see what's next." Lovino said. He knew Feli had been waiting for him to compose himself...he did know him well, the bastard.

"Really ?" he had stopped painting and had turned to face Lovino. "Lovi, I'm glad ! I'm sure you will make it !"

Lovino smiled fondly. His brother's ridiculous optimism meant a lot to him, who was often too much of the contrary.

"I don't really know. I suppose we still are a few competing.."

"So what now ? Do you have something to prepare, I don't know..?"

"Yep, I got a script. I should get to read it."

* * *

That evening, Emma screamed at him on the phone for not letting her know sooner that he had the part, and I don't give a damn you don't really have the part yet, Vargas, you should have called me !

He had dinner with Feli and Ludwig, who was around for his work, and he also called his grandpa, still in Italy, to tell him the good news.

And, really, that evening, life was worth trying his best for.


	2. Chapter 2 - Busy audition day

Lovino arrived early that morning, three days later; the terrifiying day of decision. It was a beautiful morning. Warm for September, with a perfect blue sky.

Lovino walked toward the building leisurely, content, with his headphones on and his script paper in his hands, reading it for the millionth time.

This time, he was leaded to a large room, more like an amphitheatre. Lovino was apparently the first arrived. Good point for him, he thought.

After about ten minutes of reading and reading his lines, the woman from the first day showed up. Elisavèta, Lovino recalled silently. He had been doing some googling about her, and had found out she had been, unnoticed, part of a lot of things, even some that Lovino had watched before. He had decided he liked her work. She threw her bag and vest over the counter down the theater, glancing at Lovino. She looked surprised to find him there. "Good morning!" she said anyway, quite heartily. She had this thing where she always looked like she was silently judging you, observing you.

"Hi," Lovino answered, but couldn't find anything to add. Small talk was never his thing. Yet Lovino often wondered _what_ exactly was his thing..

"The others should be here soon. Gosh, am I excited !" She was radiant. Such devotion to her project was heartwarming.

"I suppose you've been working a lot ?..You're close to your goal, aren't you ?" He said, smiling sincerely. Being charming around women, that he could do.

"This film is like...a long awaited dream, for me. A 'must do' in fact, see what I mean ?"

"Sure do..."

They talked like that for about ten more minutes, before a small guy entered the room.

"Ha !" he said, "I'm glad I've finally found the room ! I was like, totally lost !" and he fell on a chair, like the reward after a long run. Suddenly his eyes widened; it was like he noticed Lovino for the first time. "OMG ! Sorry, man ! Hi, I'm Feliks." (he waved vaguely)

"Hi, Lovino."

The guy was something else. Blonde hair, with sort of a mid-long haircut, and clothing, well...surprising. Pink shorts, with tights underneath, and a grey jumper a bit too large for him. There was also a hat in his hand, which he had probably put off his head when entering the building. Lovino liked fashion, but that was just nonsense. He didn't, however, get much time to observe him, neither to get awkward really, because the door was opening again.

Another blonde guy walked in, this one Lovino knew him : Arthur Kirkland, probably here to play the Englishman in the film. The guy was petty well known, one you would call a "rising star".

"Hello," he addressed the room with that loud British accent of his, a small smile on his lips.

Talking about rising stars, the door introduced the guy Lovino had met last time; Antonio. "Hello everyone ! I hope I'm not late !..No ? Oh well..." he stopped when he saw Lovino, smiled (well, smiled _wider_), and came to sit near him. "Hello, little guy ! Told you you had a chance !"

* * *

As the minutes passed the room was filling up with a surprising amount of people. You could tell by their looks and accents who was competiting with each other. It would be a long day of reading scripts and acting short scenes, under the judging eye of Elizavèta, and...

The door flew open, causing everyone in the room to jump and Eliza to facepalm. "Morning Sunshines ! Time to get to work ! Don't disappoint me this time !"

Gilbert, if Lovino remembered his name correctly, had a weird little bird sitting on his shoulder. But what was _really _weird was that it looked alive. Surprisingly enough, Elisavèta didn't say a word about it, complaining instead about his late arrival. The man, however, was already too far into loud laughing and petting the bright yellow little thing curled against his neck.

As Elizavèta clapped her hands, the reading session began. It would be organized so everyone would get to read at least one time with everyone, to be sure Eliza and Gilbert would get an idea of all the dynamics between the actors.

Lovino had spotted his -seemingly- only rival. He was a good looking man, possibly a bit younger than Lovino. He kind of reminded him of Feli, actually, in the way he talked, smiled a lot, and flirted with every woman he greeted. Lovino would have to do better than him, which, he was starting to think, could be harder than he had thought. Earlier, Lovino had shaked his hand and the guy had wished him good luck. He was apparently called Romeo (oh great, a Romeo for a love story), came from Seborga and was seriously too much at ease for Lovino's liking.

Two guys began reading a few lines from the script. It was a complexe scene, very important in the film from what Lovino had understood. He recognized the little guy, Feliks, between the two. He was doing fantastic. He was auditioning for the role of a Pole, who had ran from Poland a year before and was fighting despite his feelings about war, not by choice, but by necessity. The film had many characters of this kind, every single one being there for a reason, and that was an aspect of the movie Lovino had loved.

Eliza thanked the two men and everyone applauded. It had been a poignant representation.

* * *

Two hours passed and almost eveyone had talked at least once. The directors often made the guys repeat, react, or change pairs to act the same scene. Sometimes they would just read, sitting at one of the many tables of the theater, but most of the time they would be asked to stand up and actually move and act the scene, which worked really well for most people.

Some of them had really impressed Lovino. One girl, for exemple, a pretty Russian girl, very young, with a very serious face and behaviour, who acted like she breathed, and could change attitude in a beat. She was stunning when she played; everyone had only eyes for her, and you could feel she gave everything she had to the character. Lovino had no doubt she would get the role. Another impressing actor was the famous Arthur Kirkland, who was quite surprising actually. He was colder in real life than Lovino thought he would be, but that was because he, too, could change totally when acting. He simply became another person, and was apparently able to do anything. Then came the two Nordic dudes, Lovino was pretty sure they had said Swedish and Finnish. These two were kind of average, but when they read the scene together, simply sitting at a table, the air in the room changed under the electricity of their chemistry. It was moving, how they seemed to be meant to act together.

Then came Antonio's turn. He had been sitting next to Lovino the whole time, giggling for everything and making little comments from time to time. He winked (_winked_.) to Lovino before jumping to his feet and going to place himself in the middle of the little stage-ish place that had been implicitly organized when they started that morning. Antonio would read with the other Italian guy, and Lovino was suddenly anxious to see this.

It was an important scene again, some sort of love dialogue between the two main characters. And Romeo was good. Antonio also. It was a beautiful scene, really. They worked well together, moving instinctively around the stage and around each other. The script helped, too, for it was very well written. It was a moment of doubt between the two lovers, doubt and searching each other's feelings.

Lovino took the time to watch Antonio play. This man was every minute more intriguing; he was handsome to begin with, but there was a lot more to say about him. And when he acted, it wasn't exactly like the Russian or Kirkland, he didn't go totally from himself to another character, it was more like...the character melted into his own personality, and what came out was something only Antonio could create. He was actually pouring parts of his own personality into his acting, and it worked so well. It ended up being like the role had been designed for him in the first place.

When he was on stage, Antonio was beautiful.

Eliza clapped her hands, and thanked the two men. She looked at Lovino.

"Would you mind coming here ? Please, the same scene. Whenever you're ready."

Lovino, forced out of his reverie, stood up from the table he had been sitting on the whole morning and walked in the middle of the little crowd. He walked toward the very bright Antonio and wondered strongly if he would be able to do anything to equal what he had just seen. Once again, Lovino wanted to run.

* * *

"Please, please go away. Stop. We can't do this. I can't..."

Antonio walked up and put a warm hand on Lovino's shoulder. "Angelo, listen to me." "NO" Lovino freed himself from the touch, but couldn't help but look straight into the vibrant green eyes staring at him. "Look at us ! Look at our lives ! It's not even a life..we can't...we can't.." he shook his eyes away, put his hands to his head. He tried to set free of his feelings. His feelings for this character he had tried to tame in the past three days, this lost Italian soldier, desperate to live yet cut down in full youth just for being born the wrong year. How sad could this man be ? So very much in love, so very much emotive, and so very much scared. Lovino recognized a lot of himself in Angelo.

Antonio did nothing for a moment. An unbearably long moment. Then, slowly, carefully, he took Lovino's hands, putting them down each side of his body. He was close now, very close. His expression was so sad, and his eyes the brightest Lovino had seen yet. His hands went from Lovino's wrists to his sides, to his back, embracing him completely, strongly. "Oh Angelo...i'm so sorry.."

"OK, that's good, thank you guys ! Who's next ?"

It took a moment to Lovino to come back to earth. What exactly had just happened ? He gently pushed Antonio back, hands lingering a bit too long on his shoulders, staring into the still shiny-with-tears big eyes. For a second they didn't move, just enjoying the last moments of what they had just shared. Then Antonio smiled, small, almost shyly. They said nothing as they went back to sit on their table.

There was one more duet, then Gilbert called a break, stretching his arms behind his neck.

The room was soon filled in chattering, and a line formed in front of the coffee machine. Eliza and Gilbert were gone into some deep conversation, probably exchanging their impressions. The little bird had fallen asleep on the counter a while ago, protected by the white-haired man's hand.

Lovino stood up and stretched his whole body, worn out by sitting a whole morning.

"So what do you think ?" he said tentatively, turning to face Antonio.

"About the acting ? Well..." he frowned, visibly trying to remember everything "I'd say we have some good pals there." a smile formed on his lips. The guy really did smile a lot. "What about you ? You've impressed me earlier, I must say." Lovino looked up at this. What ? Impressed ? What ?

Antonio just laughed briefly, more like a sigh. "No I mean it. I think we've done something good down there. That's great, I'm glad !"

"I..huh...yeah, maybe. And,...about the other guys ?" "Oh mh. These two Nordics men, or whatever, they stuck me, how natural they were. I'm pretty sure that's what Eliza is looking for. She must be glad, too." "Yeah it was globally a good morning." Lovino smiled, and Antonio did, too.

"...I need a coffee now !" Antonio said suddenly, and once again he was gone, clapping Gilbert's shoulder as he went past him.

Lovino noticed the little groups that had been formed. Kirkland was talking with the little Pole guy, and the Russian girl. Lovino noticed there was another girl with them, one of the few that hadn't read yet. She was tall, with short dark-blonde hair, huge light blue eyes, and a candid appearance.

The two Nordics were talking with a short guy, another blonde, with an odd haircut and a very serious face. This one had been auditioning before, and Lovino had found him perfect for his role -a Swiss Resistance leader, strong and passionate. The Romeo guy was flirting with the tall girl by the Russian's side, and she was blushing bright red. There were a few more groups in the room, everybody talking fast and loud, exchanging ideas and impressions.

The little Pole guy went up to Lovino's side, smiling happily. He looked like the type to be very easily contented.

"Hiya ! I, uhm, I just wanted to say you, like, totally did great in that scene."

Lovino looked at him blankly for a moment before answering. Nobody was ever that easily kind to him.

"Huh...thank you ? Really, it means a lot. I wasn't sure..Oh and you did good, too ! The role fits you well" and he _had _done good. Lovino had been impressed to see that strange little dude being that good. That was unexpected.

Feliks laughed. He had an odd, childlike tone in his voice. "Thank you, man ! I don't know, we'll see what they decide. They look pretty moved by everything so I can't tell." he looked in the counter's direction saying that, where Elizavèta, Gilbert, and now Antonio were talking enthusiastically.

Lovino didn't notice the two men sneaking their way up to Feliks and himself until they were just in front of them.

"Hi !" The short, smily guy began, "I'm Tino ! You're..Lovino, right ? And..Feliks ? Yeah ? Hi !" he laughed, "it's nice to meet you !..This is Berwald, by the way."

Behind him, the huge, stern-looking man didn't move, or smile. He just nodded, with a strange little approving noise that sounded a bit like "ngh".

"Hello ! I'm glad I get to talk to you both !" Feliks answered earnestly. "You tooooootally moved me earlier, that's crazy !" Tino laughed shortly and blushed, and Berwald fidgeted from foot to foot. "Yeah he's right, you did great." Lovino tried. Why did everyone was so comfortable with this small talk thing ?

"Haha, thank you, I glad you feel that way..we've been working a lot to achieve something acceptable." He smiled at his partner. Berwald fidgeted more.

"...by the way, I hope you get your parts, because you were my favorites when you acted !" Lovino and Feliks exchanged a glance. That was seriously too much praising, Lovino had no idea what he had done to deserve all this kindness. "I..."

He was interrupting by Gilbert's yelling, meaning they were back to work. "Sorry about this, you will get a proper lunch break when we're done hearing everyone ! Please do you best !" Eliza quiclky added, when hearing the low weary complain going through the theater.

* * *

The morning ended eventually, and everyone left for lunch break. Most of them kind of agreed to all meet in the fast food nearby, so they could get to know each other properly. Lovino had followed them half-heartedly, because of Feliks's insisting. To his surprise, Elizavèta and Gilbert came, so did Antonio.

Lunch passed like a storm, this huge group entering the restaurant all together, basically invading the room, pushing tables together and talking and laughing loudly to all the different stories everyone tried to tell at the same time.

Kirkland, to everyone's pleading, told a few stories about his previous roles, most of them really interesting. Antonio told embarrassing stories about Gilbert, and Gilbert told embarrassing stories about Antonio, while feeding his bird. Everyone presented themselves in a few words, and after an hour you virtually knew everyone. The whole time, Eliza just smiled brightly.

Back to the audition room, in a happy-chatty ambiance, they gradually calmed down and got back to work.

Lovino did two scenes this time, one with the Swiss guy, which worked very well, a very stressful scene, and one with the Englishman and the Finnish guy, something like a deep talk scene. Lovino was quite happy with his acting. He felt good in this character, and the chemistry with the other actors felt right.

Now, he really wanted the role.

* * *

As the afternoon stretched on, they finally ended the session. Eliza and Gilbert started packing up, and little groups formed again, everyone saying goodbye, wishing each other luck, and getting busy putting their coats on. There was electricity in the air. Lingering excitement from the long day, growing gloominess to part already, everyone slowly falling back into real life. It felt like the last day of school.

Eliza raised her voice. "Please, can I have your attention ? Please ? Well I wanted to thank you for your patience and good work. You've all been fantastic. Now the hard part falls upon us, casting directors, but I mean it when I say you are all brilliant actors. I wish you a good evening. I'm gonna ask you to be a little more patient, as we think this through, you should all get a call during the week. Probably tomorrow or the day after, I don't like to let things hang on too long. Once again, thank you, see you in a few !" She waved, eyed Gilbert, and left the room. It had been a long day for her too, and the worst was to come.

Gilbert stayed a bit longer, exchanging a few words with some of the actors, then he left, too.

Lovino was tired. He decided to go back to Feli. The idea of a good coffee, the warmth of the couch, a good movie and his little brother by his side was suddenly really appealing.

He hesitated for a second, taking a quick look to the room. Should he say goodbye ? How did this work ?

He shaked his head and went straight to the circle formed by Feliks, the Swiss, the two Russians and Kirkland. "Hey ! Uhm" everyone stopped and looked at him, but in a friendly way, which Lovino was not used to but prefered by far to the usual glares he got from people. "I'm leaving, so.."

"Ohh we're having a drink after, won't you come ?" Feliks's eyes were pleading again.

"Err sorry, uhm, I can't. Next time, yeah ? I just wanted to say goodbye."

"Ok then..don't lie to me, I will remember what you just said !" Feliks smiled and offered his hand. "See you soon, Lovino ! Good luck !"

Lovino shook his hand, even giving him a smile. "Good luck to you too, Feliks. Bye guys, good luck to you all !" he waved to the group, and left the theater.

* * *

"Oh, you're leaving ?"

Lovino stopped to search where the voice came from. Antonio was in front of the vending machine just outside the room. Lovino smiled when he found him.

"Yeah, gotta get home."

"Oh, I see...sorry, uhm, bye ! I hope we'll get to see each other again, yeah ?" He seemed a bit awkward, which felt odd. Lovino had only met him, but that was definitely a part of his personality he had not seen before.

"Bye Antonio. I do hope so. Sorry, I gotta go, see you around !" he rubbed his neck, kind of waved, he wasn't sure what to do, and walked out, and outside of the building.

Walking home, Lovino thought a lot about his day. He tried to remember every scene, the duets, the trios, his own performences, everyone's reaction, everyone's personality. Today, he had met very different people, and observing them was very interesting, almost amusing. People were always fascinating to Lovino. How they were unique, beautiful, terrifying. What he was not used to was all the small talk, good atmosphere, and free kindness he had experienced all day. Lovino didn't have many friends. He had his family, his best friend Emma, and that was pretty much all. Lovino didn't know what a "buddy" was.

But today, he had felt a bit sad to leave them, these actors, full of joy and passionnate for what they did.

He also wondered what Antonio's attitude when he left was about. Was he sad to leave him without being sure to see him again ?

Because Lovino sure was. And that was unusual. Uncomfortable.

Now he regretted to have refused that drink. But one thing at a time.

He took his phone from his pocket and called Emma.

"TELL ME" was her all greeting.

"Em', I can't tell you anything. But do you want me to tell about my day or not ?"

"Yes, yes, anything !"

"Kay, but first, how was _your_ day ?"

"Huh well good I guess ? Boring. Kind of calm. Didn't get much customers. You happy ? Now tell me, you dickhead."

Lovino snorted. He told Emma about the general things, about Eliza's work, the actors, Feliks's clothing, Gilbert's chicken. He told her about the acting, about Romeo, the impressive Russian girl (which was called Natalia, by the way), the famous Kirkland, and the two cute Nordics who, Lovino had learnt at lunch, were in fact married.

"This is nice ! And what about you ? You haven't told me anything."

"..."

"Lovi. You know you can't run from me, so you _will _tell me about your acting, and you're gonna do it now."

"...fine, fine. I did a few scenes, ok, with different actors, and one with the first role, you know, Carriedo."

"Good ! What do you think ?"

"Huh..you know I'm not good at this..Fine, I guess ? Emma, I don't know. They will call me during the week."

"Ok ok..Oh sweetie, I have to go, customers in sight. Have you told my brother yet ?"

"Tell him what ? I'll call him when I know, either way it's no use."

"Mh...say hi to Feli for me, see ya darling !"

She hung up. Lovino considered her last question for a moment. Should he call Abel ?

Abel, his agent, happened to also be Emma's big brother. He was tall, very good at his job, always calm, but a scary kind of calm. You didn't want to make him mad.

Lovino would wait, he decided.

He got home, and watched a film; one of Elisavèta's works, with Feli finishing a painting in front of him.

* * *

It wasn't long after noon. The autumn sunlight bathed the living room, bright and lazy. Lovino was napping in the sofa, half-sleeping, half watching Feli doodling on his sketchbook, searching for inspiration. They had just devoured enough pasta to feed a garrison, and now he didn't feel like doing anything. Lovino was a lazy guy. He didn't need much more than pasta and good sleep to be happy.

As he was slipping into sleep, his phone vibrated on the table.

Feliciano looked at the phone, then at Lovino, raising an eyebrow. Lovino quickly got to the table.

"Hello...?" He was nervous. Of course he was; he had thought about this moment many times during these two days of waiting.

What if it was no ? What would he do ? Yet another failed audition ? But, this time, it simply felt different. Lovino wanted to be part of this film. He wanted to work with these people.

And what if it was yes ? It would be a lot of work, weeks away from home, and many more things to worry about.

"Lovino ? Hello !" Elizavèta's voice was joyful as always.

"Hi ! I hope you didn't stress too much about this ?"

"Are you kidding ! I haven't slept since the audition. I've been thinking about this 100% of the time. I'm running on coffee and Ice-cream, I'm gonna die, but don't worry, I didn't stress too much about this." Lovino smiled to himself. Really, he liked the woman's frank talking.

"By the way, congratulations mate, you got a job."

Lovino blinked. What ?

He turned to look, wide-eyed, at his brother, who looked up from his sketchbook.

"Wh- uh, I..."

Eliza laughed into the phone. "Hey it's ok, you deserve it. You have something, pal. I wouldn't have missed it for the world."

"...Thank you, Eliza."

"Don't mention it." Lovino could hear she was smiling. "I'll email you some technical troublesome stuff, and I'll see you in a month."

When Lovino closed his phone, Feliciano got to his feet, and hugged his brother tightly. Lovino was crying.


	3. Chapter 3 - The filming begins

A few days later, Lovino celebrated with his family.

Feli made pizza; busy in the kitchen all day, Ludwig came over, even Grandpa Roma -that's how he insisted to be called, was there. Only Emma was missing, but they kept a laptop logged on Skype for her in the corner of the room.

They ate, drank, and laughed a lot, mostly Grandpa Roma who was always very loud and loved nothing more than embarrass his grandsons. Emma made a toast to Lovino's new job, Grandpa played from Feli's guitar and sang the Italian songs he would sing when Lovino and Feliciano were kids, and Ludwig didn't look _too_ ill-at-ease by Roma's very personnal questions about him and Feliciano (he was bright red,though). Even Abel came by and stayed for about an hour, congratulating Lovino in the warmest way he was able to and exchanging a few words with his sister on Skype.

Meanwhile, Lovino tried not to think too much about his luck to have such nice people in his life, celebrating for him and everything.

* * *

A month passed, and Lovino left Feli to head for Caen, in the North, promising to visit soon.

Stepping out of the train, after a three hours trip, he looked around from the person who was supposed to be waiting for him, according to Eliza's memo.

After a while, a tall, blonde guy with shoulder-length hair and small glasses appeared in front of him.

"Excuse me, are you Lovino Vargas ?"

"Uh, yes."

"Good, hello, I'm Matthew, Matthew Williams; I was sent to find you."

"Oh, hello, yes, sure, uhm, I was looking for you."

Matthew smiled politely. There was softness in his features, kindness in his eyes. His general aspect, combined with his pleasant, careful voice, made you feel instantly at ease, eager to trust him.

"Was your trip fine ?" He took one of Lovino's bags.

"Yes, fine, thanks..so..you are..?"

"Your nanny." Matthew said, a triumphing smile on his face.

They headed out of the station, down a parking lot, and stopped in front of a black car. Matthew opened the door for Lovino, put his bags in the trunk, and drove them to a big hotel near the beach.

Then he registered, while Lovino waited into the large main hall, stunned by the place.

Matthew came back to him, smiling reassuringly. "So everything is fine. This is where you live during the filming period. Everything is paid, you have nothing to worry about. I'll show you your room. This is your key, and your code. Besides your bedroom, there are several public rooms in the hotel you can go to, and the buffet is free for you. There, I think it's your room. I hope you'll be comfortable." he opened the door, revealing a nice, welcoming medium-sized room. There was a large bed, a very classy bathroom, a mini-bar with snacks and a view on the sea. Lovino looked at Matthew. "Thank you. So, what now ?"

"Nothing for tonight. You get comfy, you eat something. Tomorrow at nine, I will be waiting outside."

"Ok..."

"Have you received the final script by email ?"

"Yes, I did, no problem."

Matthew walked back to the door. He left a little card on the desk as he passed by it. "Alright, then. This is my card, call me if you need anything. Have a good evening, Sir."

"Yes, thank you, uh...see you tomorrow, then."

Matthew smiled softly, nodded, and closed the door.

* * *

Lovino had a whole evening to kill. It wasn't past six, so he decided to take a look around town. He went downstairs and headed to the beach nearby.

It was chilly outside, and windy because of the sea. Lovino pulled his jacket closer as he walked on the dark, solid sand.

The sea was grey, morose, under the dark October sky. There were only a few people in sight; a family with a small kid observing something in the sand very closely, a young woman with a bouncy dog, two lovers wandering slowly along the water...

"Lovino ?"

Lovino jumped, turned around.

"Ah, I knew it was you ! You've arrived, then. How are you ?" Antonio's smile was even brighter than Lovino remembered. And, if not a bit surprised, Lovino was glad to see him. He couldn't help but answer the smile he was facing, though a lot smaller. "I'm fine, thank you, so, uh, how long have you been here ?"

Antonio turned his eyes to the sea. "Oh, mh, a while. I'm glad you're here, tho, I was getting bored of the guys."

Lovino laughed softly. Soon, he would have to bear with the hyperactive duo, too.

"Hey, want to go eat something ? There are some fine places around." He gestured towards the town behind him.

Lovino accepted. He was glad to have someone with him, now that he was totally on his own, not even with Feli, in a foreign country.

"I actually know a nice place, I was planning to go there tonight." Lovino offered, unsure, wondering if bringing a stranger to Emma's place was a good idea. But he _had _promised to come the night he arrived, so he was stuck anyway.

"Great !" Antonio declared, visibly delighted.

When Lovino pushed the door of the little coffee shop, Emma smiled immediatly. She practically ran to him from behind her counter, and hugged him warmly.

"Ah, you're finally here !" She hadn't changed a bit, still this adorable smile, those big, light green eyes, a ribbon holding back hair flowy dark-blonde hair and a very simple outfit, like she had picked whatever she had found that morning.

"Hi Em', " Lovino chuckled, glancing at Antonio, who just looked amused by the scene. "Emma, this is Antonio..." he said, pulling back, wondering how to present him.

Emma looked behind Lovino's shoulder, and waved to the man still standing there. "Hi Antonio ! I'm Emma. You're Lovi's...co-star, right ?"

Antonio glanced at Lovino, grinning, before he answered, in that cheerful tone of his. "Yeah, I suppose that's who I am !...I'm sorry but, you said Emma, right ?" His eyes were searching, "you look...familiar...I don't know, do I know you ?"

Emma looked confused. "I...don't think so ?"

"Ha, nevermind, sorry. So, nice place you got there !"

Emma's expression was joyful again, hearing someone praise her baby. "Why, thank you ! I only opened like a year ago."

"Emma used to live near my place," Lovino explained, "she was a family friend. Then she decided to go closer to her origins."

"I'm Belgian," she added, "but I travelled a lot when I was younger."

"Why not go back to Belgium ?" Antonio asked.

"Well...business, I suppose ?" she giggled, "a Belgian coffee shop would run better here. But, please, do sit ! Take whatever you want, it's on the house !"

Antonio looked at Lovino, his smile widening. "Now, that's interesting !"

They sat and ordered hot chocolate and waffles; the typical stuff. Somehow, Lovino wasn't uncomfortable unleashing his totally cheesy side (_hot. chocolate._) around Antonio.

outside the window, the sky was menacing. Dark, rain-loaded clouds were covering it completely, and people in the streets walked fast to get home. It was so good to be inside, with sweet food, with Emma, and, well, with the very warm Antonio.

When the shop was calm again; only a few customers remaining in the room, focused on newspapers and steaming beverages, Emma came to sit at their table, beside Lovino.

"Hey boys,"

"Madam," Antonio interrupted theatrically, "you were made to open a waffle shop."

Emma laughed this soft, high-pitched, almost giggled laugh Lovino knew so well.

"Thank you, dear. I'm glad you like it. My cooking means the world to me."

"Yeah, know what you mean." he said, bitting in another forkful of pastry.

Amused, Lovino turned to Emma. "So, I finally get to see your shop, eh ?"

Emma's eyes were as twinkling as ever. Lovino had missed her very much, and part of why he wanted this role so much was to have a chance to visit her.

"It's good to see you, Lovi. How are the boys ?"

Lovino sighed, smiling. "Well, you know...Feli paints, Grandpa sings...the usual stuff."

Antonio was observing quietly the conversation, still half-focused on his plate.

"I hope to see them soon. I can't take holidays now, see ? Won't Feli come visit you here ?" she asked, hopefully.

"I don't think so, sorry Em'."

She laughed.

"Were you in Spain, in the past ?" Antonio asked out of the blue.

Emma looked quizzically to the man opposite her. She answered anyway. "Let me think..yeah, actually, I lived there for a year. In the South."

"That's it." Antonio nodded, "What were you, like...14, maybe ?"

"Mh..yeah, that's it, 14 !"

"So that's where we met !" Antonio's face lit up in victory.

"Antonio...oh God, you're right !"

"Yeah, I remember you because you were the new kid, you always remember the new kids. It's been a while, wow !"

Emma was laughing, now. "Gosh, I knew a well known actor and didn't even remember it ! Well I don't remember much from that year..."

Antonio fidgeted a bit on his chair, apparently embarrassed by being called a well known actor. Lovino smiled, though not really sure why.

"It's not like that, I'm...hum, so yeah I'm glad to see what you've become, that you're happy."

"You look happy, too, you know ?" Emma said, sincerely, then a customer called her from the counter, and she had to leave them.

"...that's crazy, meeting her here, of all places."

"Yeah, crazy...to think we had someone in common" Lovino glanced up, a bit unsure, silently cursing himself for saying such a tacky thing.

But Antonio just smiled, eyes down, back to his plate.

Eventually, they left the café, Emma hugging Lovino one more time, menacing him of various things if he didn't come back soon.

They walked in the main street, going back the the hotel where, apparently, Antonio stayed too, talking about various things.

They parted in the hallway, a bit reluctantly, and Lovino suddenly was very eager to be tomorrow.

* * *

Lovino woke up in a good mood the morning after, prepared for a very long day. He got dressed, picking dark skinny jeans and a shirt with a comfy waistcoat on top; nothing too inconvenient.

He went down for breakfast, then waited for nine o'clock in the main hall, reading his lines again. Then he saw Matthew by one of the entrance's large windows, and walked outside.

"Good morning." Matthew greeted. "Are you settling in well ?" he asked politely, entering the car.

As they drived outside of the city, Lovino searched for something to say.

"So, where are you from ?"

Matthew glanced at him from the road.

"Canada."

"Oh. I couldn't place your accent."

Matthew chuckled.

They got on set, and Matthew leaded his charge to the improvised direction office. He knocked.

"Come in !" Lovino recognized Elizavèta's voice.

"Lovino ! Good to see you, dear !"

"Hi, you, too. You look great !"

Because she _was_ looking great. She was practically beaming, probably even happier than she was busy. She still had this odd little flowery thing in her hair, and a mountain of papers covered her desk entirely.

"Thank you, boy. Ok, what time is it ? 9:30, good. I'm gonna need some paperwork, then you go get changed and stuff. Please, take a seat." she sat herself, reaching for a pen.

Paperwork done, Matthew walked Lovino to the stylists, the he left him.

Lovino found out the head-stylist was an old friend of his brother's, a Japanese guy called Kiku he had met somehow in this weird artists world. Kiku himself looked pretty surprised and asked for news of Feliciano and Ludwig.

He was also helped by a lovely Asian girl, with graceful gestures and very long hair, and soon enough Lovino was dressed in character.

He headed to the makeup caravan. His entitled makeup-artist was a very young girl; she couldn't be more than twenty. She greeted him with a very small voice, bowing a little forward. She had short blonde hair, and huge azur eyes.

While she worked, she genuinely asked many questions to Lovino, about his job, his life, anything. But Lovino couldn't really get defensive, because she was just too cute.

Finally out and ready, Lovino met Eliza outside the caravan. They walked together to the filming set.

Today, Eliza pointed, they would film a few minor scenes indoors, to begin easy.

There, Lovino finally discovered who had been chosen among the many actors of the audition day.

He caught sight of the two Russian girls, and the short Swiss guy Lovino had been certain would be there, and in a corner of the room were the Nordic couple who were so good together.

Then Lovino saw, of course, Arthur Kirkland, who nodded slightly when he saw him.

"Lovino !" Lovino smiled immediatly.

"Feliks ! I was worried you wouldn't be here."

"I've just arrived" Feliks looked very different now that he was fully in character. His clothing was of course totally different and his hair was combed back into a small ponytail.

While talking, Lovino noticed a man talking with Elizavèta, one he had never seen before. "Hey, who's the precious guy with Eliza ?"

Feliks looked in the direction Lovino pointed. "Uh, dunno. Nice hair, though."

Lovino laughed. The man was noticeable, to say the least. He wasn't that tall, but he stood out easily. He was very slim, dressed in a long, dark blue jacket, with perfectly controlled dark brown hair, and small glasses on his nose to add to the precious appearance.

Eliza put a hand on his shoulder, seemed to end the conversation, then she crossed her arms and walked to Lovino and Feliks.

"Boys, we're gonna start filming in a moment. First we do -she took the script from Lovino's hands and put it on the right page- this, so you, you, -she pointed to Lovino then Feliks-, Arthur, Vash, Berwald, Tino, and Antonio when he arrives. Ok ? I'll be back, get ready."

"Eliza, who was the man talking with you earlier ?" Feliks dared asking.

"Oh, him ? That's my husband." she said simply.

Lovino looked, almost shocked, at Feliks. "Wow, you're married then."

"I am !" she was almost laughing now, clearly amused by the effect it must do everytime.

Feliks continued "I..well," he chuckled, "I thought that you and Gilbert..."

Now Eliza was laughing frankly. "Gil ? Nooooo Gil, no. Well..." she took a look around the room, like she was looking for him. "there _was_ something, but, you know, that was a long time ago. Gil is a friend. A very annoying one, with that. I gotta go ! I want you to be ready when I'm back, ok ?" and she left, quickly.

After a while, Lovino noticed Antonio had arrived and was talking with Gilbert, and Eliza's husband. He noticed Lovino and waved at him.

Eliza came back, about fifty minutes later, and startled everyone: she was wearing a dress from the WW2 period, hair forced back into a classy chignon.

So, this unknown girl from the script, that was her.

"Eliza, if you're in the film, then who is directing ?" Tino asked.

"Well, Gil. I'm not a Director technically, I'm a writer." she said, visibly very happy with the effect she had caused.

The filming began, it was a big mess of placing, acting, Gilbert yelling, and again.

Lunchtime came so quickly Lovino had to double-check the time on his phone.

They called a break and everyone moved to the lunch tent. Lovino noticed another new guy, with Antonio this time. He had arrived an hour before and had never left Gilbert or Antonio's side. Now he was eating with Antonio, laughing easily with him, like they were long-time friends. Lovino couldn't help but feel angry at him, even angrier because we couldn't say why.

"Who's this one ?" he asked Arthur, voice lower than intended. Arthur seemed to know a bit more than the average actor here.

He looked up, vaguely interested, then grimaced. "Francis." he said, going back to eating.

"...Francis ?"

"Yeah, the second writer. Big friend of Gilbert's, and all that circle, I believe."

"...You don't like the guy." Lovino tried, noticing Arthur's clearly annoyed tone.

"No, not really. Long story, you know" he smirked. Lovino didn't insist. He looked again in the man's direction.

He was a tall guy, very classy, with long, silky hair, and stubble framing his good looking face. He had something like an arrogant look, and was absolutely confident with his charm, judging by the small smile constantly on his lips.

That was it, Lovino didn't like him.

The day ended, after filming only a few scenes, but Gilbert, Eliza, and, now, Francis, looked confident and satisfied of the day.

Eliza thanked everybody, and everyone went to get changed and remove their makeup.

Lovino was glad to have a moment of calm, and, most of all, a moment alone with Lili, his makeup artist, because he had something to tell her.

When she got to work, he asked. "So, Lili, you like this Swiss guy, don't you ?"

She immediatly blushed bright red, and tried to deny it, though not very convincingly. Lovino smirked. He had noticed that, all day, everytime she came to adjust his or someone else's makeup, she would always peer up at Vash; the Swiss actor. Lovino had decided he had to tease her about it.

Somehow, he thought they would fit well together, the serious man and the cute makeup artist.

* * *

Lovino asked Matthew to leave him near the beach instead of the hotel. He wished him good night, and went for a walk.

Breathing deeply, Lovino thought of his day. It had been an interesting day, really.

He was glad about the cast, and glad it had worked well. The filming was globally efficient, the Directors looked happy about it.

He thought he should call Feliciano later, when he would be back in his room.

The sea was capricious, very dark and agitated. Night was almost there. Tomorrow, they would film outside, mostly a big action scene with everyone.

"Hey," Antonio was behind Lovino without him noticing, causing him to jump. He laughed softly. "sorry."

Lovino glared. Antonio had basically ignored him all day. Not that he was particurarly angry, why would he be.

"We didn't have much time to talk, today, did we ? I thought I would find you here." there was a strange, indescribable sadness on his face, on his small, unsure smile.

They began walking, along the sea. Lovino asked about Antonio's thoughts on this first day, Antonio asked how Lovino felt about his acting.

As they walked, they turned behind a few big rocks and ended up in some sort of smaller, hidden creek. It was darker here, and there was no one around.

They said nothing for a moment, Antonio looking into Lovino's eyes, like he was searching something, and Lovino didn't dare moving.

Then Antonio looked away, eyes darting to the sea, and he sat down on the sand.

After a few seconds, Lovino followed him.

"What a nice place," Antonio said softly.

Lovino closed his eyes, feeling the humid wind brush his hair and skin.

"So, tell me, have you got sibblings, Lovino ?"

Lovino opened his eyes and looked curiously at the man sitting beside him. But Antonio just waited, eyes fixed pointedly on him.

"Uh...yeah, I've got a brother ?"

The evening stretched silently as Lovino talked about his past, about his annoying yet adorable little brother, about his paintings, about their Grandpa, who had raised them almost all their lives, about Emma, who had helped his family a lot, and who _was_ family, really, and Antonio told him about his past, about University with Gilbert and Francis, about how they had a big dream together and were finally fulfilling it now. Antonio told how they had met Elizavèta in their University year, when she dated Gilbert. Lovino couldn't help but ask about the little bird that was still into Gilbert's shirt pocket today, and Antonio laughed explaining Gilbert's weird habits.

It felt good, talking with Antonio. Lovino had forgotten how it was, to make a new friend. The excitement of discovering slowly who they are, the anxiety of opening yourself to them. But Antonio, he wasn't difficult, he wasn't stressful. He was simple, and bright, and warm by Lovino's side in the chilly night.

And it was the best Lovino had felt in months.

* * *

**_N/A_**

Hello, thank you for reading me !

I hope you like my writting. I'm still struggling a bit, but I'm also having lots of fun finally writting this story I've had in mind for a long time.

I don't know yet how long it's gonna be. I sure have a lot to say !

Please feel free to review/share/critic, anything that can help me is welcome !

I can't establish a regular update schedule, I'm sorry about that. Fact is, I am quite busy with university, and I don't currently have a computer. However, I will try my best to update regularly !

See you next time~


	4. Chapter 4 - Feli is always right

The morning after went fast, everyone being busy on their respective side. Lovino sent hours training for his action scenes, repeating choregraphies again and again in the big gym hall that had been installed on the main set.

Eliza was there, observing, going from actor to actor and sharing some ideas about the way she pictured each scene.

In the early afternoon, everyone got on set, fully dressed, even Eliza herself, who had a part to play in the scene. Her character was, by the way, pretty interesting. She was kind of coordinating the whole thing, undercover; a woman being less easily suspected at the time.

Gilbert and Francis were sitting nearby, waiting for everyone to take their position. They would try to film everything in a row for it to be more realistic.

The scene took place in the forest, a mostly running scene. The group had just lead a mission in town; a scene they would actually film later. Now they were in danger and had to flee. The film was mostly about the war, it was more than a love story.

When everyone went silent, mentally getting in character, Francis called action.

Eliza, fear changing her face completely, cried everyone to run, that she would handle the rest. "Just go, go !" she ran the opposite way.

Lovino, Tino, Feliks and Arthur ran their way, as they were supposed to split up to get more chances to escape. It was thrilling, running between trees, in this dark forest, under the still menacing sky. Two cameras were following the little group, one cameraman running with them, between them, behind them, and the other focusing on their faces. Lovino glanced at Feliks, who nodded and changed direction with Tino. As planned, Arthur and Lovino went to hide into a little shed further away.

Then they waited, still acting panic for the cameraman who had followed them.

When they heard Gilbert yelling "_CUT_", they just smiled and got out, getting their breath back as they walked to the starting point.

Gilbert was laughing, delighted, announcing it had been good.

"Wooooh, great !" Lovino looked up in surprise. That high-pitched voice wasn't from anyone he knew. It was a young man, ridiculously tall, and ridiculously excited by what he was watching on the camera screen with the Directors.

"Ah ? Ah ? Told you !" Gilbert did nothing to calm the moment.

"Alright, children. I'm glad you are that enthusiastic but I have something to tell everyone so...just shut it for a minute, ok ?" Eliza's handling of the guys caused Francis to snort, half-hiding behind his hand.

"Can I have your attention ? Right, thanks, so first I'd like to introduce Alfred, for those who don't know him, yeah Alfred come here please. Ok so this is Alfred F. Jones, he's our producer."

"Hi !" the big guy greeted, holding one hand up. He looked cheerful, if not childish. He had dark-blonde hair and small glasses, and wore a large brown jacket over a hoodie. Really, he had a surprisingly young appearance for a producer.

And something, in the eyes maybe, recalled much of Matthew. Which was a strange thought, considering how different they were.

Eliza and Francis took a look at the recording, and Eliza asked for a second try just to be sure, then they would get a break to give her the time to sort it all off.

* * *

Lovino catched Feliks laughing with the two Russians, just arrived for the next scenes. He walked towards them, taking a glance around half-unconsciously to find Antonio. The evening before had been a bit weird, to say the least. Lovino tried his best not to think about this, but fact was he did miss the feeling to have the Spaniard around, after having spent such nice time with him.

Antonio was in deep conversation with Arthur, visibly arguing about something. Whatever. Lovino could catch him later.

The filming started again, a scene inside the same place as the day before, which was the group's secret headquarters or something.

Angelo; Lovino's character, was worried about not everyone getting back there after the forest scene. More specifically, he was worried about Antonio's character; Manuel, not being there. The Russians were there, too. They were informers, except the one played by Natalia was an active resistance fighter.

Lovino walked frantically from left to right in the room, the Englishman trying to sort it out with a map of the region on a table.

The afternoon stretched as they couldn't get the scene quite right, and they ended up not filming anything else for the day.

And Lovino still hadn't exchanged a word with Antonio. Which was annoyingly..annoying.

After getting dressed back to normal, Lovino left with Matthew, too tired to try anything anyway.

In the car, he remembered the strange feeling Alfred's face had provoked earlier.

"Have you seen the producer ? He arrived today, apparently." he asked, conversationally.

"...Alfred ? Oh, yeah." Matthew wasn't exactly the talkative type, and he always took a moment to think before he answered.

Knowing the fact that Lovino was not very sociable either, morning and evening car rides were always a blast.

Thankfully, he apparently got the point Lovino didn't dare to advance, because he continued. "Yeah, actually, he's my brother."

Well, that was unexpected.

"Your _brother_ ?"

Matthew laughed shortly. "Half-brother, in fact. We have the same father. We're not even of the same nationality, Alfred is American."

"How come..?"

"Well, I was born in Canada. I'm the eldest, of a year. Then my father went to live in America, met a woman there, got Alfred. So Alfred was born in America. But actually, we spent a lot of time together as children, despite the distance problem. Our father tried his best to be present for both of us."

Lovino listened silently, not really sure of what to say. It was such a complicated story. He thought of his own childhood, how he didn't get along with Feli as a kid, how they had lost their parents so early. Apparently, everyone came with their fair share of struggling in life.

To end this day nicely, Lovino spent about an hour at Emma's place, talking about nothing important, her only presence cheering him up a little. Then Emma ruffled his hair and practically pushed him outside, forcing him to get to bed. Sometimes, she knew just how to act like an annoying big sister.

Lovino came back to his room, to tired to have dinner, and collapsed on his bed.

* * *

The days kept going, remarkably fast. Lovino was busy and focused, memorizing lines and placements and choregraphies, acting scenes, observing everyone to adapt himself the best he could. Elizavèta bounced from one thing to another, totally in control of everything she had to handle. Gilbert was still himself, Francis was still mysteriously unaffected by all the action around him, the actors remained as focused as Lovino was, and Antonio remained unreachable, apart from a few minutes from time to time where he came have a coffee with the crew.

And as concentrated as he was, Lovino couldn't help but be annoyed. He could see Antonio from afar, laughing heartily with his inseparable friends Francis and Gilbert, and he inexplicably longed to laugh like this with him.

And it was so, _so_ annoying. Since when had Lovino become so needy ? It was not even like Antonio was his friend in the first place. They had shared a few nice moments a few days, weeks before, but for someone as outgoing as Antonio, it had probably just been something usual. And that thought, too, was seriously depressing.

An evening where Lovino was thinking too much, three weeks into filming, he decided to call his brother.

"Hey, big bro ! What's up ?" Lovino chuckled. It was crazy how Feli's general good mood was infectious.

"Sorry I'm not calling that much. You tell me what's up, how are you doing ?"

"What's with your voice, what's the problem ?" he had put on the bossy voice, the one that stated clearly 'don't even try to escape.' God, the kid was good.

"Uh, nothing, you know..."

"Mmhh..."

"...just the usual stuff. You haven't answered me."

"Neither did you. Really, Lovi, what ? Do you have anyone to hang out with around there, at least ?"

Lovino laughed again. His brother knew him so well it was often scary. So he told him the story, from the beginning, because why keep it for himself anyway ? He had been in such a bad mood the last few days. And Feli was always of good advice, though that was a thing Lovino wouldn't tell him, not risking to have him getting all proud.

Lovino talked about the cast and crew, all the nice people, the funny ones, too, that were Gilbert, Eliza, Alfred...and he tried not to sound too lame telling him about Antonio's annoying behaviour.

And Feliciano just laughed. Like, heartily, knowingly, laughed, and he just wasn't stopping.

"Fuck you, Feli, what's going on !"

"Oh, you can't possibly be so blind, brother."

Lovino hated when he did that 'I know you so well' voice. Why did he tell him anyway ? Now he was feeling worse.

"Ok are you gonna tell me what's so funny or I'm hanging up."

"Lovino, you _like_ this guy."

"What the hell, Feli !"

_What the hell_ ? Unacceptable.

"Please, Lovi, you're never that annoyed if not for a reason. Even _you_ can't get so grumpy over someone of no importance."

"I...I have to go, Feli."

"...Call me whenever you want."

Lovino lay on his bed, eyes wide open, considering Feliciano's words.

_What_.

* * *

The day after, Lovino dragged himself to work a bit reluctantly. He was so not prepared to see Antonio again. He had spent too much time thinking about all this, and he had decided that it was not like that. No, it couldn't be, dammit.

On set, everyone was in such a good mood that it was almost offending. So far, no sight of Antonio.

They had changed location, filming closer to the sea, since they would have a few beach scenes. They could have had filmed anywhere, but it was important to the Directors to film on the exact location the real events had happened: Caen.

Lovino wandered around all day, still a bit grumpy, but slowly letting himself fall into work mood.

As always, Antonio just greeted him when he arrived, all smily and green eyes and fucking beautiful. How could a man be that pretty, anyway. It was all his fault. Lovino tried his best to ignore him the rest of the day.

Eliza was a bit tense that day, because they were running late over the filming program, but mostly the day went alright.

That night, Lovino felt the need to walk. He went to the beach near his hotel, and walked along the waves, allowing himself to breath for a moment. It was pretty cold, even with a good jacket, but it was just so good to face the sea like that.

"Hey, Lovino."

Oh, no.

"Hey," Lovino answered, not even surprised this time. He turned to face Antonio.

The man was just standing there easily, smiling, his dark curls swaying lightly in the wind.

It was so unfair. "I needed some air..you ?" Lovino said after too long, just desperate to break the silence.

Antonio chuckled, then closed his eyes and breathed heavily.

They started walking, side by side, a bit too close for Lovino to be at ease.

"It's crazy, on set." Antonio began, voice small, like he was sharing something he had held back for a long time. Lovino didn't say a word.

"Since I'm part of the initial project, I'm always needed everywhere."

Lovino was not sure where he was going with this, but he was too scared to ask anything. Because, finally, Antonio was here, talking to him, walking with him. He could disappear any moment.

The Spaniard looked at him, a small smile, a sad expression on his face. He looked so tired.

In that moment, Lovino wanted many things. But most of all, he wished he could help, do something, anything, to make Antonio feel better.

He had been so confused that he hadn't even noticed those exhausted eyes on Antonio's always gleeful face.

He was gonna answer, though still not sure what to say, when he felt a drop fall on his cheek.

Suddenly, icy, heavy rain fell upon them, all at once, without warning. Lovino looked at Antonio, swearing, and Antonio burst in laughter.

They ran back to the hotel, cold to the bones, laughing like children.

"Oh my God, what bad luck !" Antonio exclamed, shaking his wild curls, breathless.

When he was so magnificient, it was very hard for Lovino to deny Feli's statement.

But he shook his mind, and invited Antonio into his room.

"Hey, my room is larger than that." Was the first thing Antonio said, entering the room. Lovino rolled his eyes.

"Do you want tea, or something ?" he said, walking to the mini-bar and kettle that were in the corner.

"Yes, please, anything to get me warm."

Lovino chuckled. He put some water to boil and went to take two towels in the bathroom. He threw one to Antonio across the room. "If you want to take a shower, bathroom is right there." he pointed behind him.

Antonio smiled, and declared it was a good idea.

When he walked out of the shower, the bastard was just wearing his towel, tied around the waist. "Hey, can I borrow a T-shirt ?" he asked, walking straight to the big wardrobe near the bed. "Huh, go ahead.." Lovino said, not exactly like he had the choice. And Antonio's clothes were dripping wet, anyway.

When both were finally dry and fully clothed (thank God), they sat on the window ledge, which was low and large enough to just sit on it and watch the sea by the large window, and they just watched the rain outside, violent and roaring, their cups of tea held close to their chests, trying to get warmer.

They didn't talk. They just sat together, facing each other, backs tiredly resting against the walls behind them.

Lovino peered up at Antonio. He was looking thoughtfully outside, eyes lost and unfocused, lips slightly parted. As the room was dark, light from outside came softly trace his face, lighting his green eyes as it went. Lovino closed his eyes, frowning in pain. Antonio was beautiful, and there was no denying that.

And he was kind, childish, joyful, smart, and so much more...

Antonio was perfect, and Lovino was lost.

He let out a long sigh.


	5. Chapter 5 - Eliza's perfect day

**N/A**

Hey there, two updates in a row !

It's my way to make amends for the very short chapter I posted yesterday. Also it's because I have no life.

I changed the rating, just to be sure, but honestly I don't know if it deserves M. Idk I'm so lost in ratings, uh.

In other news, writting this chapter was fun. All the fluff ew gross.

* * *

Came the dreaded stage of romantic scenes. Lovino had made that very hot dream the night before, after having thought way to much about his hands on Antonio before finally falling asleep, which didn't help not freaking out at all.

Most of the other actors had gotten some days off, except for a couple of scenes where some of them were needed to interrupt or something, but mostly Eliza wanted to film all the duet scenes in a row so they could move on to the bigger stuff.

Lili was very giggly that morning, insisting a lot on Lovino's eyes with the makeup to reinforce his expressions. That couldn't be good.

For once, Antonio stayed a moment with him before filming, discussing about the scene they were about to film, reading his script out loud and commenting it, clearly trying to normalize the whole thing. So Lovino wasn't the only one being nervous. Good. Filming was gonna be awesome.

It was very cold that day, with a pale winter sky smoothly spreading a white light upon the area. Lovino slowly relaxed, finally glad he could talk with Antonio before shoving his tongue down his throat. Antonio was shifting from foot to foot because of the cold, which made Lovino smile involuntarily. But he was too nervous to fight back, today.

Lovino liked the way Antonio worked. He always felt the need to discuss the scene before playing it, so he was sure to understand it and to be on the same level with his co-workers. It was a very interactive way to do, as Antonio would bring up some ideas and ask for opinions. Lovino found that very pleasant. he had been frustrated so many times by Directors who didn't care a bit about Lovino's opinion, but here, everybody worked as a team, and the Directors always listened carefully to the actors before filming.

Talking about directors, Eliza and Gilbert arrived, coffees in hands, bird in pocket and smiles on faces; ready to attack a new day.

Eliza waved to Antonio and Lovino when she caught sight of them, and walked to them.

"Hello, boys ! Ready ? I won't be gentle with you today." she was grinning behind her scarf, perfectly pleased with herself. This was the day she had probably been looking forward to the most.

"As expected..." Antonio half-winced, half-laughed.

"That kiss, it's my baby. You are _not _ruining it." And she left, motioning a '_I'm watching you_' gesture with two fingers.

Antonio gave Lovino an hesitant smile, and they followed her.

Francis and Eliza gave the two actors a few directives, nothing they hadn't already discussed before really, and they took place on the little set which was supposed to be Angelo's rented room.

It was a critical moment. After the forest scene, Manuel had showed up very late, leaving enough time of incertitude to drive Angelo insane with anxiety. So when he appeared at his personal door, hours later, all sweaty and out of breath, it was only the most Angelo could bear, and he pulled him abruptly into a relieved embrace.

Lovino didn't exactly like the way Angelo seemed to give up every once of carefulness toward Manuel at the same pace Lovino's crush on Antonio became each day more obvious, but he did his best not to think about it. He was on a scene, dammit, he needed to focus.

He made an impossible step closer, placing his hands very lightly on each side of Antonio's arms. Now, they were so close. Antonio's mouth was just above his forehead, and he could feel his breath smooth his hair. Then, slowly, Lovino looked up, though lashes, mentally repeating himself that he could do it. He could, he was an actor, and that's what actors do, no big deal. Antonio was breathing too fast when their eyes met. Lovino tilted his head, unable to read the expression on his face, then something changed in the Spaniard's eyes, something like '_ok, let's do this._', and he crossed the last few inches between them, kissing Lovino fiercely.

They kissed frantically, urgently, like the relief of something kept secret for too long, like something that couldn't end well, like the war was outside and they were everything that was left for each other. It was so overwhelming, and Antonio's hands and lips and skin were everywhere, and Lovino lost track of time for a moment. They moved to the couch nearby, lips never parting, and they fell on it heavily, Lovino on top. Antonio's body was trembling behind him, and his hand came on his thigh, and it became very hard to stay focused. Before it went too far, Lovino pulled back, sitting up, legs straddling Antonio's stomach, which didn't feel bad at all, eyes locked to Antonio's beautiful ones. It was Antonio's turn to sit up, arms softly envelopping Lovino's frame, head hiding in his neck. Which felt way too sweet, for being just a job. Lovino didn't move, but kissed ghostly his hair, careful to keep a sad expression on his face.

Because this scene was desperate. It was them giving up at last, two young men lost in a destroyed world clinging to the last impossible hope they had for life to be worth it.

Antonio lifted his head, eyes red, hair a mess, and he started unbuttoning Lovino's shirt, quickly, awkwardly. Oh, no. Lovino flew both hands to his hair, and kissed him, quick, loving little kisses on the man's unmoving lips. Then Lovino was shirtless, and he was cold, and Antonio was pulling his own shirt above his head, and they were on a set, in front of people, and as soon as Antonio threw the shirt away Lovino was on him again, skin to skin, tongues dancing together...

They took their time, touching, brushing, twirling, sliding, because they were told to do so, for montage purposes, so why the fuck not ?

Antonio's hands were a bit cold, but his body was so warm, and his lips were seriously wet and swollen from all the kissing, and every touch sent signals straight between Lovino's legs, the whole thing getting harder and harder to hide with every minute.

"Okay, cut !"

Lovino blinked. Oh, yes, the set. The people in the room.

He closed his eyes and inhaled as much air as he could, hoping he could shake everything away. Then he felt Antonio's hands leave his arms, and he instantly missed him. He looked at him instinctively. The man was staring back, a small, embarrassed smile on his lips, and he was flushed to the chest, and he was so damn cute, with those huge green eyes dancing everywhere and his hair all ruffled up. And fucking shirtless.

Lovino snapped out of his dizziness and took a look around, standing up (a bit awkwardly, considering his position).

Eliza gave him his shirt back, and patted his shoulder, smiling brightly. "You've made us dream, boys. I'm proud of you." Then she went back to her seat, giving all her attention to the camera screen. Lovino glanced up behind his shoulder, still trying to get back on Earth. Antonio did his freaking wink thing. Lovino rolled his eyes, making sure it was well exagerated, and he walked out of the room. "I need a snack."

* * *

Thankfully, they weren't asked to do that again. They filmed a few more kissy/romantic scenes over the day, but nothing too distracting.

They finished fairly early in the afternoon, which was nice for once. Lovino was thinking he could drop by Emma's coffee shop when he heard Antonio calling after him.

"Hey ! You doing something after ?" seeing Lovino's raised eyebrow for all answer, he precised, holding up his script. "Look, next scene. Gil told me we're filming the dance tomorrow."

Lovino's eyes widened in panic. He had thought he had more time, that he could panic later. "So," Antonio said at last, "since we've got time today, I thought maybe we could, you know, practice, something like that ?"

Dancing. With Antonio. All alone. Sure.

Lovino vaguely mentionned he was thinking of going say hi to Emma before hearing Antonio's proposition, and Antonio said they still could go for a coffee before getting to business. (which he said with playful eyebrows and a cocky grin Lovino didn't like at all.)

"Hey, what are you doing here ?" Emma said when they entered the small shop, checking her watch as she spoke like she had missed a few hours of her day.

"We were sent off school early." Lovino answered, already feeling good in the familiar presence.

Antonio ordered a very sweet beverage, with milk and vanilla sirup and cinnamon and _whipped cream_, for Heaven's sake, and Lovino couldn't help but break into uncontrolled laughter.

Antonio blushed lightly, acting all offended. "What ? I like sugar ! Why are you laughing..? Ah, stop !" he pushed Lovino's shoulder lightly.

"Excuse me," Lovino articuled between chokes, "it's just...nothing, it's cute." He was calmed by his own words, though there was really no other way to describe it. Antonio was simple, honest, and seriously adorable. He didn't bother with things like appearances.

"Try it, you'll see ! It's heaven." Antonio said eagerly, handing the cup to Lovino. Hesitating, Lovino took a sip, and immediatly made a face, causing Antonio to snort. "Aah I can't believe you made me drink that ! Ew, ew" he overdramatized, quickly reaching for his own cup and taking a big gulp of it.

Lovino was not very sweet-toothed to begin with, but that was simply terrible. Antonio was laughing to himself, drinking his cup of sugar, eyes half-closed.

"Yeah, if you don't mind, I'm gonna stick to mine."

"And I can't believe you can drink something like that." Antonio pointed, shrugging. Lovino smirked. "It's perfect, Emma knows just how I like it." He said, loud enough for her to hear it, looking up to the counter. She smiled back, adding "Lovino's grandfather told me everything I know about Italian coffee. With him, you had better not mess with that."

* * *

They stayed for way too long, not eager to go outside in the cold weather. Antonio was charming. He talked thoughtfully, and smiled way too much. He simply looked like he genuinely enjoyed life, and people around him. At one point, Lovino catched Emma's pointed look from behind her counter, and he just frowned at her silently. He knew what she was implying. But it was not like that. It was not a date, and if Lovino was staring a bit too much at Antonio's tired face, his graceful hands as he talked, well, it was because he had him in front of him and it's only polite to look at the person you're talking to, right ?

They left finally, as it was getting late, and they unintentionally gave another good reason for Emma to give them an amused smile, when they kind of fought awkwardly over paying the bill. Before they left, Lovino made sure to give her one last warning look, and he followed Antonio outside.

Without really saying anything out loud, they had implicitly agreed on going on 'their' little beach to rehearse, for the tranquility and plenty of space it offered.

"Ok, let's do this before we freeze on site." Antonio said, suddenly more hesitant and his face getting serious. Lovino preferred that, honestly, to beating around the bush and ending completely in Awkward-land.

"Do we repeat the lines, too ?"

"Later, if you don't mind. When I'm warmer." Antonio's whole face was pleading, and he was all hunched from the cold. Lovino laughed. "Alright."

Antonio really seemed to be weak against the cold.

Lovino tried not to think about what he was doing as he stepped into the Spaniard's personal space, and took his hand. Without much hesitation, Antonio pulled him closer, in an attempt to get warm, and he gently placed his other hand in the small of Lovino's back. Ok, so, dance time.

Antonio was just a bit taller than Lovino, so that his chin was more or less facing Lovino's forehead, just above his eyes. They made a few steps, trying to set a pace, Antonio leading and humming some waltz tune under his breath.

One, two, three. One, two, three...

When Lovino managed to follow his lead, Antonio gave him a bright smile, and Lovino didn't have the chance to frown and wonder what he was up to, because he sped up the dance, humming faster as he went.

"What the...Hey !" Lovino choked, unable to follow, but Antonio just laughed, not stopping. The bastard was so proud of himself. As Lovino tried to follow his steps, totally off track, swearing and clutching to Antonio's arm, he had to admit the guy was a great dancer. Totally at ease, avoiding Lovino's stumbling feet skillfully, laughing like a kid showing off. "Okay, okay, I get it, you're the better dancer, areyouhappy, please stop now !" Lovino pleaded breathlessly, then shouted again, when given no answer. "Antonio !" Antonio chuckled. "But, I'm cold !"

He did slow the pace, though, so it was comfortable enough for Lovino to follow his lead.

"Don't you like dancing, Lovino..?" His voice was playful, his eyes flirty. Lovino didn't answer, couldn't answer. When this man said his name like that, his body pressed against Lovino's, when they were dancing, all alone on this beach under a perfectly clear night sky. Lovino had all the reasons to panic, when it only took Antonio one smile for all his defenses to fall apart.

"Stop it, you idiot." Lovino cried, though not very convincing. "I'm pretty sure we're supposed to waltz tomorrow, stop goofing around !"

It took all his strenght to slow the pace to an end, so he could finally glare properly at the stupid bastard in front of him.

But Antonio's eyes weren't sparkling anymore. They were dark with resolution. And before Lovino knew it, they were kissing. But it only felt like something that had to happen; something that couldn't be avoided. Lovino couldn't even remember who had started it, and he just didn't want to think at the moment. They weren't kissing frantically, yet not too slow either. Their lips brushed, played, touched, sucked, meeting and parting with wet noises, forming smiles every now and then, escaping moans and various little noises before meeting again, urgently, slowly, relieving. They were taking their time, exploring, discovering, just enjoying. Antonio's lips were so soft, and his body so reassuring this close to Lovino's.

Lovino freed his hands from where they were and, slowly, brought them to cup each side of Antonio's face, pulling him as close as he could. Antonio let out a small sigh against his lips and one hand sneaked behind his back, crushing their bodies together. Antonio's other hand was behind Lovino's neck, tenderly, carefully strocking the hair that was there.

As suddenly as they had started it, they broke the kiss, reluctantly, gasping for air.

Still holding Lovino tighly into his arms, forehead rested against his own, Antonio was silent. A hundred of words were dancing into his darkened green eyes.

Then he started giggling. Lovino went stiff imediatly, instinctively pulling away, though he couldn't get much far since Antonio's arms were still strongly cercling his back.

"What are you laughing at, bastard !" he snarled, his face burning and his throat tightening.

What was so funny ? Was this all a joke ? What was all this in the first place, anyway ?

"Sorry," Antonio breathed, "it's just...us..."

"Yeah what about that !" He tried to set free again, but Antonio wouldn't let him. Damn, the bastard was strong. Instead, he opened his eyes, all smily and bright with tears, and he just murmured "we're dumbs."

And Lovino just couldn't resist. They laughed like idiots, on this hidden little beach, holding each other and touching faces and brushing noses and kissing temples and various other awkward spots.

And it felt so, so right.

* * *

That night, sitting at his window, Lovino couldn't sleep.

Once the excitation faded, only anxiety was left for him.

He squeezed his eyes shut, inhaling deeply.

What was this all about ?


	6. Chapter 6 - Lovino thinks too much

**_N/A_**

hey there, sorry for the late update. Things are getting a bit harder to write~ I don't want to go too fast and regret it when it's posted.

Also thank you for the lovely reviews, it means a lot you have no idea ;u;

Hope you enjoy this chapter~

* * *

Lovino was sitting at the window. He had probably been there for an hour already. His tea was cold. He didn't even like tea that much in the first place, but he had needed something to warm up.

A blanket wrapped around him, knees brought to the chest, he was lost in his thoughts, staring blankly at the sea outside. It was calm, for once. No big waves, no mad wind rushing through the few remaining leaves on the trees. Tonight was calm. Unlike Lovino's brain.

He had really gotten carried away with this stuff, whatever it was. And at this point, he definitively had lost any control. And Lovino didn't like losing control, at all.

In the silence of the room, he closed his eyes, and allowed himself to think of Antonio.

Beautiful, talented, brilliant Antonio. He still could feel his skin under his lips, his warm breath, the scent of his hair, the press of his lips, the wonderful sound of his laughter trying to go louder than the waves. Lovino hid his face into his knees. He was still dizzy from dancing, twirling endlessly in the cold sand, slow or crazy or totally out of control since Antonio was an idiot. Lovino didn't want to think of this. It was the last thing he wanted to think about. He felt like a fucking teenager having a crush on his classmate, or something. Lovino was 22, now, he should be able to behave like a grown up. Which didn't imply dancing all evening with a Spaniard, on a damn beach, like seriously, he was living in a freaking cliché there.

Antonio's mouth. His smile, his kisses.

Kissing Antonio had been so different this time. Tonight, it wasn't acting. It wasn't on set, with people watching, with directions to follow. It wasn't characters. It was just Antonio and Lovino, alone, kissing. Lovino let out a raging groan into his knees. He was thinking about it again. And it was _bad, _because this had to stop, no matter how good it felt, because it couldn't end well.

Because Lovino didn't need something else to remind him how good for nothing he was.

And why did it hurt so much, giving up on Antonio ? Someone that good deserved way better than Lovino, anyway. The only thought of making this last was selfish. And the more it would last, the harder it would be to give up. Lovino knew this.

Lovino didn't do relationships, or crushes, anyways. He did one night stands, to the most, he was a ladies man. A full time hit on cute girls around. Lovino wasn't exactly closed to the idea of being attracted to both genders, only he had never really thought of it, since it had never happened before. And it was odd, really, how fast he had fallen for this guy, and how just right it felt. Unlike any feeling he had ever experienced, with anyone...but no, no, he couldn't just keep going. It only sounded hard because Antonio was working with him, and he saw him everyday. Lovino had to take back control of the situation. He had only been confused because of Feli, only Feli. And, Lovino decided, that was the right thing to do.

...So why did his eyes hurt so much ?

* * *

The morning after, Lovino had like a tank of coffee for all breakfast, and headed for the set with Matthew.

He really didn't want to dance.

The day after, though, would be the last day they would film duet scenes. Lovino just had to hang on two more days, then the actors would be back and everything would be more comfortable. Two days. Lovino could do this.

Lili looked a bit distracted that day. Smirking, Lovino noticed her dreamy eyes, and said, teasing.

"That's a pretty ribbon you have in your hair, today, Lili.."

She blushed immediatly, her eyes panicked and her smile too obvious. She put her brushes away, and touched fondly the little accessory.

"Y..yes, thank you..it's...it's a present from Vash and..."

Lovino laughed. His thoughts exactly. So that serious looking guy was cheesy like that, uh ?

But Lili looked all happy, and this alone helped Lovino feel a bit better. Lili was a sweet girl, she deserved a guy to buy her ribbons or whatever she wanted.

When ready, Lovino left with one last pat on Lili's shoulder, and headed where everyone would be. He was anxious again.

Arriving, he tried his best not to notice Antonio's big smile while waving him hello, and immediatly focused in talking with Eliza, just so he wouldn't talk about the previous night.

Antonio wasn't even dressed yet, which was unfair, because that green sweater making his eyes sparkle even more was exactly what Lovino didn't need.

Eventually the Spaniard left, and Lovino went to pour himself another coffee. He could do this.

* * *

He couldn't do this. Everything was too fresh, the memories still vibrating through Lovino's body.

Antonio's arms, his hands, his lips so, so close. Lovino was stiff, eyes locked on Antonio's chest, as he kept stumbling between two steps.

The more he tried, the worse it got. His head was spinning. It was terrible. "_you're stupid you're stupid you're stupid you're stupid_" went his mind on repeat. Lovino wanted to run, to hide, to do anything but this.

"CUT ! Lovino, what the hell !" as expected, Eliza was furious. "It's the third take already ! What's with you ! Talk to me, Lovino !"

But Lovino couldn't tell. Couldn't even look at her, or anyone around. He closed his eyes. He was such a stupid kid.

"Oh ok, so don't tell me, don't do anything, it's ok, it's not like we have limited time here ! You know what, don't do anything _at all_. I'm out of here. For fuck's sake" Eliza yelled, and Lovino heard her leave the place angrily.

Lovino's body moved by itself when he rushed outside, holding back traitorous tears.

* * *

"Hey." it was Francis's voice behind him.

Lovino had been sitting on a bench outside for a few minutes, face in hands, trying his best to breath evenly, and above all to think.

"Listen, I..." Francis continued, visibly searching his words. "I don't know what the problem is with Antonio," how did he know that. "but you know you will have to sort it out eventually. We have deadlines."

"I know that." Lovino muttered, bitterly. What was the guy thinking.

"Listen. I'm gonna handle Eliza for now. I'm gonna talk to her, it's gonna be fine. But I need you there, Lovino, I need you to handle _yourself_." Lovino looked up at this. "...Can you do this ? Can we work together ?" Lovino couldn't believe the guy was actually being nice. There was unexpected softness in his blue eyes, as he sat down on the bench beside him. He wasn't smiling, but his whole general posture and face appealed to relax. Lovino just nodded, a bit unsure.

"You go to your lodge, ok ? I can give you..let's say.." he checked his phone for the time "...thirty minutes. Is that ok ? I'm gonna talk with Eliza. You relax, I don't care what you do, but in thirty minutes I will send you Lili to fix your makeup and I want you on set on time. Now go."

Ten minutes later, Francis knocked at his lodge door to give him snacks.

Lovino sat on the couch of the tiny room, eyes shut, but feeling better.

He had panicked. Gosh, he had gone _mad_. When it was just a dance.

He breathed heavily. Francis had been incredibly nice and reassuring. It was like he knew exactly what Lovino needed. He needed time alone.

Lovino opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling. Maybe he had misjudged the guy. He, in fact, seemed to simply try to do his work the best he could, not asking anything to anyone. Lovino would have to thank him later.

He reached forward and grabbed a cookie from the plate Francis had brought him.

"_Chill, Lovino. Chill. You are an actor, show them what you are worth as an actor._"

Twenty-five minutes after talking with Francis exactly, Lili went in and redid his makeup. If she knew about what hapenned, she didn't mention anything.

Lovino was on set on time, and Francis gave him a friendly smile, nodding when he saw him.

Lovino took a deep breath, and walked up to Antonio, who was standing uneasily in the middle of the room.

"I'm sorry for earlier." he blurted out, not knowing how else to put it.

Thankfully, Antonio just smiled softly in return.

Eliza, face deeply frowning, called action.

Lovino took Antonio's hand. "Follow me." he said playfully.

They ran outside, in what was supposed to be a field, and Lovino pressed his body to Antonio's, bringing his free hand to his arm. Antonio was smiling, though no very sincerely, something Lovino could notice because he had seen his true smile. But he shook the thought away as they started to move together, Antonio humming a tune like the night before.

This time, they didn't get closer, nor did they go crazy like children, chasing and kissing. No, they just danced. Both a bit stiff, just acting. Lovino couldn't help but feel a loss, feel like he had, maybe, hurt Antonio, and he hated himself even more at this thought.

Slowly, they stopped dancing, foreheads pressed together, breathing calmly.

"I'm sorry." Lovino said, eyes low, and if it was Angelo talking, Lovino still meant it with all his being.

"Ok, that will do. Take a break." Gilbert said, and they parted, leaving Lovino feeling cold and empty.

Why did it have to be so hard ?

* * *

Antonio spent lunch with Francis and Gilbert. Lovino sticked with Arthur, who was there for a scene in the afternoon.

"What's the matter, man ? You keep glancing behind you." the Englishman said conversationally.

Lovino was glancing at the trio every five minutes, but he couldn't really help it. He didn't understand Antonio's behaviour. Yes, ok, Lovino had been the one acting weird, but Antonio didn't seem to care. At all.

"Mh, nothing. It's, uh..Francis impressed me today."

"Oh.." Arthur just said, focusing intently on his plate. Lovino smirked to himself. Just like he thought, mentioning Francis was the best way to lose Arthur's interest.

In the afternoon, Lovino went to apologize to Eliza, because he _really_ didn't want her angry at him, and they filmed to end of the dance scene, where Arthur interrupted them in mid-speech.

Near the end of the day, the last scene to film was one where Angelo turned Manuel down. It was around the middle of the film, maybe, and Angelo was hurting too much with the situation. They took place in the field, and Lovino began to speak, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Manuel, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, we can't do this, it's impossible."

"Angelo..." Antonio tried to take his hand, but Lovino quickly turned his back to him.

"Stop ! It's, it's...I can't. We have to stop. I'm giving up on you, Manuel, your hear me, it's the best thing to do. Only thing to do."

"You can't say that. You can't _mean_ that.." Antonio's voice was small and broken, and Lovino had to fight back a wince. The guy was good. He turned to face him again, and shivered. Antonio's expression was too honest to be just him acting. "I mean it. It's too hard for me. No matter how good it feels. No matter my feelings. I can't. It's no more complicated than that, Manuel..." Antonio's face was so sad, his eyes bright and searching. Lovino's voice broke a bit when he said his final line. "I'm so sorry. We can't be together. Let go, Manuel."

And he walked out of the camera's reach, leaving Antonio there, certain he had understood that he wasn't acting anymore. Those eyes didn't lie.

"Cut. Good. That was good, boys." Eliza checked her phone, then asked for a break.

Lovino went to Arthur, trying to quickly think of something else. "Hey. Do you know why Eliza's husband is so often here ?"

"Mh. I think he's the composer of the film's music. So he comes to seek inpiration, or something."

Lovino looked at the always classy man talking with Eliza.

"Oh, I didn't know he was a musician."

"A good one with that. He's worked with a few shows before. This could be his springboard, you know."

"Family production, eh ?" Lovino added, for the lack of anything else to say.

Antonio was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

The day after went pretty fast, and Lovino felt every minute more terrible, for some reason.

But he was determined to ignore it.

Antonio was spending all his time with his friends, and they didn't get to talk since the night they had kissed. Anyway, what was there to say ?

Actually, at one point in the day, they did have a quick talk. But a very weird talk.

They had exchanged banalities like strangers, or awkward ex-boyfriends, and Antonio's face was unreadable, no matter how hard Lovino had searched. His eyes weren't sparkling like before.

Lovino felt horrible. It hurt much more than it was supposed to.

That night, he went for a walk on the beach, needing to be anywhere but in his room. Why was he feeling so bad ? It was such a strange situation. And that was what he had been trying so hard to avoid.

Lovino sighed. The wind was whipping his face, freezing his whole body. His legs and fingers were numb with the cold. And there, just there, Lovino let himself go. Allowed himself to miss Antonio. Because he missed Antonio. He missed him so much.

Damn, he was so gone on the man it hurt constantly.

And now, it was too late to do anything. Which hurt much more, because Lovino didn't even know what he wanted.

He wasn't sure anymore his choice was worth it.

If at least, at least, Antonio could talk to him. If they were friends, at least.

Lovino took his phone, and dialed Antonio's number. Then he just stared at it.

What was he gonna say ? It wasn't like he could fix things like that.

Suddenly, he wondered why he had never asked Antonio his own thoughts.

Lovino had no idea of what Antonio thought of him.

He closed his phone, shivering from a new wave a wind.

He decided to go back to his room, before he got sick. He didn't need that on top of all.

Just when he closed the door behind him, his phone rang.

"Hello ?"

"Monsieur Vargas ?"

"..Yes ?"

"Bonsoir. Je suis..."

"Sorry I don't speak French very well." Lovino promptly cut the unknown feminine voice at the end of the line.

"Oh, sorry. Is English ok ?"

"Yeah, sure."

"I'm from the Hospital Cochin, Paris 6e. I'm calling about your brother. Mr...Feliciano Vargas..?"

Lovino's legs dropped under him, and he fell on the floor.

"Feli ?" He asked, horror in his voice.


	7. Chapter 7 - Fear

**_N/A_ **Sorry for the late update ! I've been pretty busy lately. Plus this chapter was a pain to write ! I didn't want it to go wrong ;-; !

Also,_ ITALY BROS_. /cries for the rest of her life for getting a chance to write them.

Enjoy~ !

* * *

.

Lovino found the right entrance and dashed inside, unable to breath, unable to think of anything else than "_my little brother is hurt_", repeatedly on his mind, on his chest, in his fists. There was only one thing Lovino was _trully_ afraid of, and that was it. Feli, in a hospital bed.

He practically shouted at the nurse of the reception. "Where is Feliciano Vargas !"

The nurse raised an eyebrow, but typed on her computer anyway.

"Feliciano, vous avez dit ?" she asked calmly. Too calmly.

"Oui, oui !" Lovino articulated in his best French, rushing a hand through his hair in impatience.

"Chambre 217. 2eme étage." She clearly wasn't gonna make any effort to translate this in English, and Lovino didn't have the time to ask anyway. He found the elevators, mentally trying to translate the room number. He was at least pretty sure it was on the 3rd floor.

Thankfully, he found Ludwig in the long corridor of the 3rd floor, who confirmed the room.

"Tell me, how is he ? How is he ?" Lovino pleaded, close to tears.

"He's...fine. Better than he could have been." Ludwig's voice was small, tight.

Lovino thought for the first time that it must be hard for him, too.

"I was getting something to drink. You just go with him. Do you want anything ?"

"No, thanks.."

A very small, pained smile on his lips, Ludwig said, like from far away. "Feli asked for an espresso..."

Lovino smiled fondly, fighting back the insisting tears behind his eyes. Feli was ok.

He briefly put a hand on Ludwig's arm, and headed, the slightest bit relieved, to the room 217.

Feli was lying on the bed of a tiny room, as tiny as he looked, bruised, connected to horrible tubes, half-asleep, his hair golden in the shy afternoon light. Lovino clenched his fists and walked up to him.

"Hey" he said softly. Feli turned his head to him, smiling this adorable, happy smile of his.

"Why are you here, stupid."

"_You_ are stupid, Feli, what am I supposed to do now ? What am I-"

"Shh." Feli shushed firmly. "You're panicking. Shut up."

"You're an asshole." Lovino muttered, his whole face closed. If he loved his brother most fondly, he never quite knew how to show it.

"You were right, you know. I drive too fast." the little idiot said in a sigh. Lovino looked up. His face was so sad, you could read regret in his eyes like in a book.

"The truck came out of nowhere..."

Lovino quickly crouched by the bed, taking his brother's hand. "Shut up, Feli. You're alive. Don't you dare waste it on me."

Feli's smile came back in place, and that was all that mattered.

"Is Ludwig worried ?"

Lovino considered the best answer for a second.

"Not too much, Feli." of course, Feli didn't buy it.

"I made you all worry."

"Feli, it's ok."

Feli chuckled. "Not really, you know. And now you're here instead of on set."

Lovino smiled to him. The big brother smile, the one that was only for little Feli when he fell and hurt his knee or worry about their parents not being around. He squeezed his hand lightly.

"Yeah, idiot, I'm here, and not leaving, so bear with me."

* * *

.

In the afternoon arrived Grandpa Roma, in a big melodramatic entrance, which made Feli practically cry with embarrassement of bringing everyone to Paris within a day. Having Grandpa around, though, made Lovino feel so much better. Ludwig was, as always, calm and strong for everyone. It was so good for Feli. Ludwig was always what Feli needed, in the end. Sometimes, Roma and Lovino would leave for a coffee or any other excuse just to leave the two of them alone. Feliciano was mostly sleeping, anyway.

Lovino called Eliza to explain his absence, and she was very understanding, telling him to take a few days off and call when he came back.

Then they talked to the doctor, who didn't help much, since he wasn't sure of anything yet.

Lovino sent Emma a text, too, even if he couldn't say much.

And still, despite trying his best to stay busy all day, when he looked at his little brother in hospital clothes, a large bruise above his eyebrow and painful eyes, Lovino's chest felt so heavy and aching.

In the evening, near the time when the visits ended, Feli called Lovino alone for a moment. Ludwig and Roma kissed him goodbye, and soon there was only the two brothers in the room. Lovino decided to speak first. It was his role.

"So, how do you feel ?" he asked, pulling a chair close to the bed. Feliciano's eyes were distant.

"Do you remember..." he began, "...one day, I must have been eight, we went to that tomato field, and spent hours eating the prettiest ones ?"

Lovino laughed quietly at the memory. "We were so sick that night."

"Grandpa was mad at us!" Feli said in a smily voice.

Lovino watched his brother's face. This so familiar little face he had seen grow, in late night secrets and meaningless races in the woods, afternoons pretending to be superheroes and stupid jokes told again and again between mouthfuls of pizza. Feli was always the good one. At least there was one of them.

"You would spend your time sitting outside and drawing..."

"One day," Feli's eyes suddenly watered. "you told me that no matter what happened, I'd still be good. You told me to be myself, to enjoy life, and that everything would be alright."

"...It was the day you left for this parisian art school."

Feli was silent for a moment. Then "You said it was ok to be scared. And when I saw the truck, when I understood I couldn't avoid it, I thought of you. I thought of a you without a me, and I couldn't accept it, so I decided to fight for you. And I wondered..." Lovino nodded slowly, letting him talk. "If I had died, Lovi...if I died..." Lovino's jaw clenched up. "...was I good ? Did I respect my promise ?"

Gently, Lovino took Feli's nearest hand in both of his own. "Always, Feli. You were perfect. You are perfect. And since you fought well, you get to be perfect a little longer." Feli gave him a relieved smile. _"please, Feli, keep fighting..." _was what Lovino didn't dare adding. Instead, he asked. "Are you happy ?"

the precious smile widened. "I am !"

Lovino smiled back, tenderly, and smoothed his hair before leaving for the night, telling him to rest.

* * *

.

The day after, and to Feli's heavy insisting, Lovino made his way back to Caen. Ludwig and Grandpa promised to keep him informed, as they practically kicked him out to the train station.

When he arrived, he barely stayed in his room, just enough to throw his bag on the bed and have a quick shower, then he asked Matthew on the phone to come and take him.

He was on set around noon, and if they were filming on the beach -somewhere close to Lovino's favorite little spot, Lovino first had to go to the gym hall to rehearse his choregraphies. Several other actors, back from their little vacation, were there too.

Lovino tried hard, yet never was he trully in the rythm, even managing to annoy the ever patient choreographer; a very slim Scandinavian guy with fancy hair, who looked bored most of the time, but was awfully skilled and a good adviser.

Feeling his cheeks burning increasingly under everyone's quizzical glances, Lovino felt the need to escape.

"Sorry, Lukas, I need to make a call." He said suddenly, waited for the man to nod, and walked out.

It was only when he stepped outside that he remembered how freezing it was. Being in sweatpants and a Tshirt, he really felt stupid.

Cursing, he checked his phone for an eventual text from Ludwig, but only found a not very reassuring "Still waiting. Feli says hi." Lovino sighed deeply, squeezed his fingers to his eyes, and went back inside. Better focus on keeping his job.

Conveniently, the big action scenes weren't to be filmed until the next day, and the key-talking scenes weren't too hard to act.

Yet, all day, Lovino was off. He bumped into people as he walked, forgot lines, forgot to eat, didn't hear Gilbert's directions. The more he went, the more pissed off he grew. And the worst was Antonio's not so discreet worried looks everytime he messed something up.

Lovino was just tired of everything. His mind was foggy. His little brother was not well, and he had responsabilities before him. How wrong was that ?

When checking his phone for the twentieth time in two hours, he read another text from Ludwig. "Soon leaving for tests. Feli's peaceful. Drawing."

Lovino wanted to cry. But he didn't. He headed to the main set for a short suspens-action scene, probably the last of the day for him. This one was with Antonio, Arthur, Berwald and Feliks. It was kind of a spying scene, which ended in hurried retreat from the danger.

Lovino nailed his speech part, his actual worry helping to be convincing, then in several cuts they filmed the investigation, and finally they got ready for the flee, a few extras taking place on set. Francis shouted action, and Arthur brought the suspens and fear-moist atmosphere very well by acting all on his guard and shushing everyone. Then he hastily hissed them to flee, urgency in his voice and eyes, and they ran. Soon Francis ended the shot, and Lovino tripped on the sand, and fell lamentably on the ground.

"Oh my God !" Eliza cried, and several pairs of feets hurried to his side. Quickly, Lovino got up, rubbing his face and beating back the helping hands.

"Are you ok ?" Lovino wasn't sure whose voice it was. He felt dizzy, almost nauseous. He just walked out. Out of what, he didn't know, just out.

* * *

.

Lovino walked around the beach for a moment, both hands behind his neck and elbows brought together before him, trying to calm down. Feli was right, of course he was panicking. Of course he couldn't help thinking about his little brother passing tests this very moment, tests that would define whether or not he would live. It was too much to bear. Lovino was too easily alarmed for such a big thing to happen.

As he was reaching for his phone to call his Grandfather, he felt a hand catching his left arm strongly, startling him in the process.

Of course, it was Antonio. "Follow me." he said firmly, pulling him further from the others by the arm.

"Antonio, please, now is really not a good time." Lovino complained, having a hard time to follow the Spaniard's quick pace.

"Yeah, right." Antonio spat back.

When they turned around the big rocks leading to the little creek, he finally slowed down to a normal pace.

Then he stopped and turned to face Lovino.

"Ok. What's wrong ?" he asked, very seriously.

And suddenly, Lovino noticed that he was talking to Antonio, that it felt normal, that he had missed him even more than he imagined.

He burst into tears. The emotions were just too much.

"Ow, ow, Lovino, what ?" Antonio said urgently, putting a hand to Lovino's shoulder, his worry almost funny if only it wasn't so sad.

"He's hurt..." was all Lovino managed to choke, sobbing violently, his hands to his forehead.

Antonio probably didn't understand a word, but he visibly decided he didn't need that, because he did just what Lovino needed. He didn't say anything, words meaningless for the moment, and he simply wrapped his arms around Lovino's trembling frame, pulling him close, tightly, rocking him gently and rubbing a hand behind his back. His chin was on top of Lovino's head, and he waited...

Lovino cried for a long time. He ended up feeling horribly empty. Like all his emotions had melted away with every tear and gasp. He was so tired.

At some point, Antonio sat them carefully in the cold sand, and they stayed like this for a long time, Lovino shuddering in Antonio's arms, Antonio never moving away.

Eventually, Lovino forced himself to look up. Antonio's eyes were dark as the night-falling sky, his expression patient and understanding. He was open to Lovino. He was there for him.

"It's my little brother." Lovino felt the need to explain, though in a very small voice. "What am I gonna do if I lose him..?"

Antonio's face twisted in understanding. He pressed his forehead to Lovino's.

"I'm so sorry." he said quietly.

"He's fine for now, though..." Lovino said, since it was what he had tried to focus on the whole time. But the question was real. Lovino wouldn't be able to bear the guilt to out-live his fragile little brother.

Antonio waited for a moment before speaking again.

"You need some rest, Lovino."

"No I don't." Lovino responded almost immediatly.

"I'm not asking." He said, then stood up, encouraging Lovino to do the same. First, Lovino thought of fighting, but in the end, he was too tired to try anything. He had been on the run for 3 days straight, and only now he really started to feel the physical pain that came with it.

So he let Antonio lead him through the streets, to the hotel, to his room, to his bed. He did feel ridiculous, actually, but again, he had known worse in the past hours.

Antonio stayed for a while more, kneeling by the bed, his head resting on both arms. His face was very close to Lovino's. His eyes so pretty, his smile so reassuring. Lovino tried not to, but he smiled anyway. Antonio's face lighted up in reaction. He was adorable.

"Thank you." Lovino just said.

"Shh." the idiot answered, smoothing his hair with one hand, the touch soft and delicious, calming Lovino's whole body.

Lovino fell asleep with hurting eyes and a lulled mind.


	8. Chapter 8 - Coffee and churros

Lovino was ten years old. Turning around, he noticed he was in his backyard, with the hills away behind the fence. He heard a voice.

Feliciano.

Lovino shuddered. He ran, but suddenly the fence was a tall metal gate, the grass was thorns, the swing broken, the voice strangled. Lovino screamed.

"Feli ! Feli, where are you !"

As he walked with difficulty among the thorns, the gate narrowed, big and dark and towering. "Feli !" Lovino called desperately, his voice breaking on the precious name, betraying him. His whole body shivered when he noticed the little frame behind the bars.

"Feli !" he rushed to him. The thorns scratched his ankles harshly.

"Lovino..." little Feliciano called weakly, hands gripping to the gate, as he kneeled on the dark ground, and his face was dark with dirt and tears.

"Lovino...it's too late, you know ? But it's ok." his fingers trembled.

"Feli, shh, Feli." Lovino tried to think fast. "I'll go get Grandpa. I'll get you out of there." he said, reaching through the gate with an arm to caress his hair. "I can help..." he added, voice small, more for himself than Feliciano.

"It's ok," Feli said again, in a blank voice, a disturbing grin on his lips. "I can't go back, now." he said, then his cheek was cold in Lovino's hand, and his eyes were empty, and he was kneeling alone on a road, with no gate, no hills, no Lovino, nobody to save him.

Lovino cried. "Make it end, make it end..." he begged nobody, rocking himself back and forth slowly on the creaky, broken swing of the garden. His sobs, sore and uncontrolled, resonated everywhere, from one hill to another, and the land itself weeped with him.

The grass lightened suddenly as a man approached.

"I know you." Lovino articulated, tightening his small hands around the ropes.

The man was Antonio; a handsome Spanish man with very green eyes and an angelic smile. He was tall, and tan, and beautiful, but Lovino was just a child, small and helpless. The thought made him sadder still, and he lowered his head, looking at the ground, which, the traitorous bastard, seemed to praise the Spaniard in unison with the sun.

Antonio crouched in front of him, and gently raised his head with one finger under his chin. His eyes and smile were kind and soothing. He handed him a dark red rose; a carnation.

"It's ok, Lovino. You can't always help, it's alright."

Now Lovino was an adult, and Antonio's eyes were so bright they enlighted the whole desolated landscape. The greenest grass had melted into his eyes, and the sun laid on his skin, for they could never worship him enough, and the hills had moved to his lips, light pink and plumpy, which were each second closer to Lovino's, he had just noticed.

Lovino thought it was a very silly situation. Then he realized it was probably a dream, because nobody would have lips made of hills, not even Antonio. He decided to wake up.

* * *

.

The world fell silent, and the gate, the swing, the rose, melted to peaceful black. An insisting light tingled Lovino's eyelids as he slowly understood he was awake.

Suddenly, the memories of the previous night rushed back to his mind. He opened his eyes and sat swiftly on his bed.

At the same time, the door slammed closed, accompanied by a quiet curse and careful footsteps. Lovino didn't know whether to be amused or mortified.

Antonio noticed him sitting. "Oh, hello !...I didn't wake you did I ?" he asked awkwardly.

"...are those churros...?" Lovino answered, bewildered, looking at the bag into his left hand, his right hand being occupied by a box with two cups of, probably, coffee.

"Yep !" Antonio exclaimed, apparently proud of himself. Though, Lovino didn't exactly get why. But he was more worried to know if there was a way to _fucking disappear in the minute, please_.

Antonio walked to the bed, put the cups on the bedside table, and got rid of his coat. It rained outside, apparently. Then he crawled on the bed, pushing Lovino to the side, and sat against the headboard, legs stretched before him, crossed together. Lovino was at a loss of words. His giant crush, whom he had ignored for weeks, was sitting on his bed, with coffee. That was stupid.

And yet, Lovino was so glad he was here. His stomach was fluttering weirdly in circles, like it wanted to jump out of his chest and hug the guy or something.

"How do you feel ?" Antonio finally asked, causing Lovino's heart to ache a bit in memory of his dream.

"Meh." he just said, hopping Antonio would understand.

A very small smile on his face, Antonio passed him a cup, and handed him the bag of churros with the other hand.

"Ah, no thanks."

Antonio rolled his eyes. "Come on, take one."

"Nope, I'm not eating that." Lovino answered firmly, defiance in his gaze. Well, at least, hopefully.

Antonio smirked.

"Take the churros." He said again, picking one and almost forcing it in Lovino's hand. "You need the churros."

"What's with you and sugar anyway !" Lovino exclaimed, giving up and accepting the pastry anyway. Antonio looked so satisfied he was tempted to put it back in the bag just to piss him off.

"Sugar is life, mate." Antonio said, like it was the one truth of the Universe, and he took a bit of his own churros. His face melted at the taste, making him look completely adorable. Sugar was the opposite of life, Lovino decided. He bit down the slightly squished one that remained in his hand without more comment.

Both ate in silence, sitting side by side on the large bed, until both churros were finished. Lovino noticed that he could hear the rain outside, other way the room was perfectly calm. Somehow, the roaring noise of icy drops rushing against the window was soothing. This and Antonio's shoulder almost touching his own.

"What time is it ?" Lovino asked finally.

"Mmh, not much after 8 I think." Antonio answered absently, eyes focused on his cup.

Lovino turned his face to him, a bit surprised. "Where did you find churros ?"

Antonio looked back at him, and smiled warmly. "Take a sip." he said, pointing at Lovino's cup with a little nod of the chin.

Shrugging, Lovino took a small gulp of the hot beverage. Oh.

"Emma." he said, a small smile forcing its way on his lips. Antonio's fond eyes on him made him uncomfortable. He wished he could hide his heated face. Anyway, he had to ask the following question. "But why come here so early ? You should have slept, we could have seen each other on set."

Antonio looked puzzled. "What do you mean ? I never left..." he said, uncertainty in his voice, head tilted on the side.

Lovino's eyes widened in shock. "You stayed here all night ?"

"Well, yes ?" Antonio looked like he almost wanted to laugh.

"...Why ?" Lovino asked, honestly confused. Why would he stay ? He didn't need to.

Antonio considered the question for a minute.

"...Well, I just didn't want to leave you ?" he responded, asking with his eyes if it was a valid answer.

Lovino didn't really want this conversation to go further. What he wanted was cuddles from Antonio, and that was a terrible thing to want. He sighed heavily, contemplating his own lameness.

Then, cautiously, because (despite everything) still a bit afraid to be rejected, he rested his head on Antonio's shoulder.

Silence, again.

Both drank their coffees slowly, lost in their own thoughts.

What could Antonio's thoughts possibly be ? There were hundreds of questions in Lovino's mind. What should he say ? Should he explain himself, try to fix things ? But could he ? Did he want to ? What did Antonio want ?

...Why did it feel so natural, to rest against him in a rainy morning, on a warm bed ?

When they spoke again, the subjects went from Feliciano to the film to their college memories. Lovino had almost forgotten how good it felt to talk with Antonio. The indescribable, somehow cheerful tone in his voice, sounding like sunflowers and spring wind, his warmth against Lovino's cheek, the light shampoo and sugary scent emaning from him. When they had first met, Antonio had appeared like the average bloke. A nice man, with a charming face and appealing personality, yes, a good actor, too, but there was not much more to say about him. And now, now, Antonio was simply this perfect person, who could bring joy into Lovino's life and did already, and Lovino was so attracted to him it was actually scary. Antonio was everything Lovino had ever needed, never allowed himself to dream of. He was a friend, someone he felt like he could trust right away. Antonio was so good Lovino was close to tears.

His cup was empty. No more excuses to make this moment last. Lovino sighed again, and closed his eyes. He felt Antonio turn his head towards him, then rest it on top of his own. He actually smiled. Yes, perfect.

Then his phone buzzed on the bedside table, and he had to check it because it was probably news from the hospital, and this toped everything, even Antonio's warm breath into his hair.

The long text from Ludwig basically said that Feliciano was still exhausted but the test results were good and that he would probably even get out soon.

Lovino flew a hand to his mouth, staring at the phone with heavy eyes.

"Oh God, what ?" Antonio asked anxiously.

Lovino looked at him, though his vision was blurred with tears. "He's alright." he choked out.

Antonio let out a groan of relief, and took Lovino's face in both hands. "I'm glad..." he said, and Lovino fell against his chest.

"He's alright." he said again, tears streaming down his face shamelessly. He was so relieved.

Antonio stroked his hair and kissed his forehead a couple of times. Lovino laughed softly. Maybe, just maybe, Antonio wanted to cuddle with him just as much as he wanted it himself.

He wiped his eyes and raised his head, looking at Antonio above him. In times like this, everything appeared so simple. And yet...

"I'm gonna need a churros." Lovino blurted out, almost against Antonio's lips. Then he reached over and picked one from the bag. It was not so warm anymore, but probably still good.

He lied down on the bed, resting on his side, and chewed the sweet pastry. Antonio smiled a small sigh, then followed him, lying on his side too so they faced each other. Arms crossed on his chest, he pointed. "Those aren't bad. I would have baked them myself if she had let me, but..."

Lovino giggled. "You don't get near Em's kitchen." Antonio's face was pouting, almost puppy-like. "Rude. She said she dared me to compete with her cooking. I could ! Just give me utensils ?"

Lovino was clearly laughing now, imagining Emma fighting for the kitchen. Of course, she had won.

"Stop laughing !" Antonio whined, pushing him lightly on the shoulder.

But eventually, he laughed too, and they stayed lying like this for another good ten minutes, despite it being frankly uncomfortable, but neither of them seemed to want to move first. And Lovino was perfectly fine just staring down smily green eyes without it involving talking, thinking, or anything really.

Antonio's phone suddenly roared a catchy Spanish tune, startling them both.

"Why the hell would you set this that loud ?" Lovino practically screamed as Antonio got up and went for his coat pocket.

He flashed him a grin and answered. "Yep!...oh, ok. Yep. No shut up. Shut up. Shut up. I'll be there. Shut up." he hung up rather violently under Lovino's amused look. Then he smiled to him again. "Guess we must go now. Finally we're still filming even if it's raining. They changed the program."

"Who do you say shut up to like that ?" Lovino couldn't help but ask.

"Gilbert." He said like an evidence, putting his coat on. Well, of course.

Lovino didn't feel so much the need to ask any further. Better not go there, his instinct directed.

Half-heartedly, he gave up on his perfect morning and went to the bathroom.

* * *

.

They arrived on set, and a smiling Eliza came welcome them. "You're here, good ! I'm gonna ask you to get changed quickly, then we meet into this den there." she pointed behind her. They were back on the main set, in the forest, and everyone around walked with umbrellas and big coats. Eliza herself wore a warm coat, a giant scarf, and a beanie with, of course, a flower on one side. The cold was humid, penetrating, and the rain didn't help. It was a very weird day to work, Lovino thought.

When they entered the den, Francis gave them both a sheet of script. The place wasn't very big, small enough to make believe it was a real abandoned den, but still large enough to fit the equipment. Gilbert was sitting in one corner with a coffee in one hand and his bird in the other, holding it close to his chest to keep it warm. In another corner was Roderich, Eliza's musician husband, taking notes on a little notepad.

Lovino turned his focus to the new script he had to memorize.

He sat on a table nearby and began to read. It was a scene near the end of the film, almost at the end in fact. The scene he had dreaded the most to act, probably. It was the scene where Angelo and Manuel died.

He looked up to Antonio, who was talking with Francis, and raised an eyebrow quizzically to his alarmed face. Lovino gestured him to come.

He said a few last words to the writer, then walked up to Lovino. "What is it ?" he asked, taking the script from his hands. His eyes ran through the lines for a moment before he said : "Oh."

He sat beside Lovino. "Well that's gonna be a fun day." he joked, bumping his shoulder softly against Lovino's.

* * *

.

Eliza was very specific with her wishes for this scene. They discussed it for a long time before preparing to shoot it. Manuel and Angelo had hidden into this den, but both knew they most likely wouldn't live. Therefore, it was a very intense, emotional moment. Eliza wanted it to be the big climax of the film. Lovino was still frustrated his character would have to die. He had been since he had read it on the full script he had received by e-mail in the very beginning. Tino's character died, too, earlier on the film - that was something they had added afterwards, to explore the two Nordic actors' incredible chemistry. But at least the others lived to know freedom, and that was the very end of the movie. So here was basically the last time the audience would see the two main characters.

Antonio tapped Lovino on the shoulder quickly and they took place outside of the den.

"Action!"

Both actors dashed inside, slamming the door open then shut, panting loudly, eyes panicked and desperate.

"What are we gonna do !" Lovino blurted out, grabbing a handful of his own hair.

"It's too late." Antonio gasped, shaking his head. "It's too late..."

They just looked at each other. Antonio's face was painful to watch. His makeup made him appear slightly bruised, and mostly dirty, his curls going everywhere, and his eyes were the saddest Lovino had ever seen on someone's face. Lovino gulped, throat actually tight.

Somehow, they ended up near each other, not quite daring to touch, but damn sure craving to.

"Do you think they are alright ?" Antonio asked in a small voice.

Lovino just nodded, head low, eyes focused on the (very fine) collarbone in front of him. He started picking absently at Antonio's shirt.

"Come." he said abruptly, and dragged him down, kneeling under the tiny window which displayed a reddish light around the place.

Hands wrapped tightly around Antonio's biceps, Lovino said in a wince. "If I had known..."

Antonio kissed him softly on the cheek. Then on the lips. "I'm a fool." Lovino insisted, voice weakening.

"I love you." Antonio just said in a breath. Lovino gasped a strangled sob, surprised himself at the reaction. _Shut up, it's just acting_, he warned himself silently. "I'd like if it was enough." he whispered, brushing his lips to Antonio's jaw. He wanted to kiss him so bad. To disappear into his arms. To be somewhere else, alone with him. Stupid, stupid feelings going independant.

"It was enough, Angelo. I hope it was. It was all I ever got." Antonio said, a hand gently cupping his jaw, staring down his eyes. "It was worth the risks. Angelo. You are worth everything." and he looked so beautiful saying that. Lovino couldn't resist. He leaned closer and closer until their lips were finally linked, Antonio kissing back immediatly, deep and slow and tender, a perfect last kiss.

They stayed unmoving, kneeling tangled together on the hard wooden floor, faces pressed to each other's necks, as roaring bullets sounds thundered behind the thin walls, so close, and soon they were bathed into blinding lights and sounds, until there was nothing left, just blank light everywhere.

"Cut !" Francis's voice interrupted, and the projectors switched off all at once, leaving both actors blinking and rubbing faces awkwardly.

"Hey boys, that was very good !" Eliza said enthusiastically, rubbing her eyes too, but probably more from too much emotion than because of the lights.

"Thanks" Lovino murmured, his eyes not wanting to stop weeping.

They got up and filmed the same scene again two or three times, just to be sure to have a good one. Lovino grew increasingly frustrated not to be able to touch Antonio like he wanted to, needed to. Antonio was here, when he had been out of reach for so long, and yes, it was Lovino's fault, but he had a few ideas on how to fix this, now. Antonio didn't seem angry, or even cold anymore. He was warm again, and cheerful, and chatty; he was himself. It felt so good. And Lovino, this time, forbade himself to fight back these weird feelings and stomach fluttering.

Because, maybe, if he decided so, it could be worth the risks.

* * *

.

The day passed normally after this. The rain stopped in the afternoon, so they could film a bit more, some solo scenes; not very important filler moments.

At one point, when Lovino was talking with Eliza and Gilbert, they told him that they were doing good with the schedule and were globally done with about half of the filming. It was, apparently, a good thing.

Lovino was glad to be part of such a film. Again, it was a huge chance to have been chosen to play the second role. Soon they would be done, and in about a year Lovino could be promoting it, which was totally new to him, and very scary, but at the same time very exciting, Lovino couldn't help it. He found himself thinking about the future, his career. And if he died to see what would be next, he also didn't want this experience to end so soon.

To end at all.

Because, when all of this was over, would he be able to see Antonio again ?


	9. Chapter 9 - I thought it was, too

_**N/A.**_

_FLUFF !_

* * *

Lovino wandered on set, lost in his thoughts. He hated himself for thinking about this film ending, because he was now even more confused and agitated, if possible. Accepting his feelings was one thing, but risking to lose everything in two months or so ? Was it really worth it ?

After all, Lovino still had no idea of what Antonio thought, or wanted. Or felt.

His heart jumped at the sole idea of Antonio wanting to spend more time with him. Kissing, preferably.

And if he did seem kind of attracted to Lovino, well, that didn't tell much about everything else.

Lovino's feet led him to a bench a bit far-off the busy crowd, where he sat heavily. He observed people rush from one place to another, share a talk in groups with some coffee, rehearse lines, shout directions, adjust the decors...Lovino liked to observe people. They were always fascinating to him, and even better when they didn't feel watched.

People were pretty awesome when doing what they were good at.

"What's the matter, dude ?" Feliks had taken seat at Lovino's side. It had been a while since they had last talked, and Lovino could use some distraction. He tried a smile.

"I don't know, do I look worried ?" he asked as innocently as possible.

"You look like, totally tired, or something."

This time Lovino really smiled. A small smile, maybe, but a sincere one. There was this weird thing about Feliks, he always managed to bring joy in any place wherever it was, whatever the mood was before him arriving.

"Well I am, in fact. They had to put a ton of makeup on me today to make me look awake." Lovino answered jokingly.

Feliks smiled widely, and nodded. "I, uh. Eliza told me about your brother. I totally wasn't gonna ask, I swear, it just happened !" Lovino looked up to him. The little pole fidgeted in place, his face guilty.

"It's ok. He's doing better, though. I'm getting updated often. It's fine."

"Oooh I'm relieved !" Feliks exclaimed, grabbing Lovino's arm with both hands. "That's good ! So you don't have anything to worry about anymore, right ? That's good, oh, want some coffee ?"

A bit taken aback by Feliks' however usual excitement, Lovino had to consider his statement. Did he really have nothing to worry about ? Then, if Feliciano was alright, and if himself was, too, wasn't it the moment to actually go and ask Antonio what he wanted ?

Because how Lovino burned to ask...

"No, thanks, I'll pass. Later, maybe ?" he answered Feliks' question, standing up at the same time. Feliks looked disapointed. Or was it worried ?

"Oh, you sure ?"

"Yeah, sorry, I'm gonna be late to the gym already..." that was true. But leaving Feliks, he didn't head directly to the gymnasium. He first walked resolutely in Antonio's lodge's direction.

Arrived in front of it, he still didn't know what he exactly meant by coming here in the first place. His cheeks burned already and his whole body was tense. But behind this door was Antonio, bright, happy Antonio, and this was enough to move Lovino's hand and give him the strenght to knock.

"Yep ?" Antonio answered as he opened the door. His face somehow fell a little when he saw Lovino. "Lovino ? What is it ?" he asked cautiously, stepping aside to let him in.

"I have a problem." Lovino stated when inside, determined. Antonio raised his eyebrows in expectation.

"Yeah, what is that ?"

Lovino looked at Antonio. His arms, safe and muscular, hidden under a 1940's shirt from the film. His fingers, long and graceful, his body, tall and slender, his legs, ridiculously long, his face, handsome and expressive. His eyes, quietly sparkling in question, his lips, so perfectly shaped, though a little dry at the moment...

_I want to kiss you_, Lovino thought, because what other problem did he have than this one ?

"I want to kiss you." he answered, before he could even notice he was speaking out loud. He understood too late, and could do nothing else than turn his burning face away from Antonio's stare, a rub a hand nervously behind his neck.

Antonio's lips curled up in the faintest smirk, his eyes brightened.

"I can help with that..." he answered rather cockily.

Lovino shook his head. "And here is the problem."

Antonio's head tilted to the side. Lovino was sure he was being that cute all the time on purpose.

"I don't get it." he simply said.

"Well see I..." Lovino began, searching his words, slowly narrowing the space between them. Expectation burned in Antonio's eyes, his pupils slightly dilated, staring directly down Lovino's own wide eyes. His lips were so close, parted just a little, like holding back his thoughts. Lovino couldn't help it. He had waited for so long. He drew his face nearer and nearer until he could almost breath against them.

"I'm not sure it's a good idea." he finally whispered, eyes almost closed, focused only to Antonio's endearing mouth.

Antonio didn't answer. He crossed the last unbearable barrier of air between their lips, kissing him with an open mouth, hot and eager. Oh, how Lovino had dreamed of this. Finally kissing this horrible man, so attractive and surprising, who had invaded his thoughts and dreams since the day he had first talked to him. Antonio's kisses were better than anything Lovino had ever experienced, it was a shame to admit it, but it was true. He was passionate, never the same, and pretty damn skilled. The way he smiled against Lovino's mouth sent flushes of heat down his spine. While their lips chased each other, bitting and sucking wildly, their entire bodies kissed, too. Two of their hands were twirling and playing together, while the two others seemed never to be sure where to rest. Antonio's leg was subtly brushing against Lovino's own, and his crotch just slightly, enough to drive him crazy with want. Really, really, Antonio was a terrible man.

Lovino reminded himself that he wasn't sure about this, and, reluctantly, he parted their lips, not resisting to leave one last kiss to the scruffy skin just under Antonio's jaw. He remained close, though, not parting their bodies nor hands. That would have been too painful.

Antonio noticed that, evidently, because he giggled lightly. Twirling their fingers together between them, he said, "We should go for a drink, or something."

His eyes were so deep, his smile heavy.

"What, like a date..?" Lovino asked.

Antonio, once again, seemed to consider the best answer.

"No, you know...just a coffee, and talking..." he said at last. Totally not a date, Lovino thought, nothing to be nervous about.

"I'd like that." he said after a beat, his voice lower than intended.

Antonio's smile brightened even more. His fingers played absently with Lovino's own. For once, he seemed at a loss of words.

"I'm..." Lovino began, very very reluctantly. "...kind of awaited at the gym..." he finished in a guilty whisper.

"Oh." Antonio murmured back, pressing the tiniest bit closer while Lovino tried slowly to pull back. Lovino couldn't help but break in a playful smile.

"Don't you dare." he warned lightly, but kissed the bright face one last time, furiously, yet short, then he really parted from lips to fingers and walked out without a glance behind him.

He practically jumped in surprise when he stepped out of the caravan. Francis was just in front of it, ready to enter. He raised an eyebrow, a knowing smirk growing on his face. Lovino scowled at him as seriously as possible, wondering how much of a mess he possibly looked. He quickly walked away.

* * *

.

By the end of the day, just before he left, Lovino received a call from his Grandpa, who said that Feli was better each hour and he should leave the hospital by the following week. Lovino felt so relieved he wondered how he could have broken apart like he did. If Feliciano was alright, then everything was. And everything looked simple...

For some reason, Antonio happened to be around when he talked on the phone, so when Lovino hung up, he quickly shuffled to his side, asking gleefully about Feli.

"Yeah, he's leaving the hospital soon." Lovino responded, not able to look Antonio in the eyes. He was still kind of nervous to be around him after their encounter in Antonio's lodge. It was unfortunate, really, because Lovino had hoped it would make things easier, not worse.

"Aw, Lovino, that's so great!" the Spaniard cried out. Then, after a beat, "So, hungry ?" he offered, suddenly clearly unsure.

"Yes, actually. Starving." Lovino answered sincerely.

"Good ! So this is our not-date evening. I know a nice place!" He exclaimed gleefully, and with such assurance that Lovino couldn't even begin to argue.

.

Matthew left them somewhere in the city, and drove away.

The cold was less bitter here than in the forest, yet it was still pretty cold, so Lovino bid Antonio to find his place before they froze in the street.

Antonio led them, beaming, into narrow streets barely lighted by the lamps arranged unequally along the low buildings, shiny store windows and houses from which escaped a few lights behind closed curtains. The ever lingering water on the pavement glittered sadly under the dull night lights. It was a pretty city, that Lovino had taken the time to visit a few times since he had arrived, over sleepless nights and frustrated evenings when he had needed to walk around and watch life.

Antonio stopped, and Lovino had to shake his mind to come back to the moment.

They were in front of a little restaurant, traditional looking but welcoming. Antonio glanced at Lovino before pushing the door open.

The place was full, agitated, resonating with chatter and rushing waiters. Glancing around, Lovino couldn't catch sight of any free table. He looked up at Antonio, who bit his lip. A waitress rushed to them, her face sorry. She said something in French Lovino didn't understand. It wasn't hard to guess, though, by looking at Antonio's pouty face.

Antonio turned to Lovino to explain. "We have to wait for at least half an hour. What do you think ? Should we wait ?"

Lovino took another look around, thinking. Then he shook his head. "No, let's go somewhere else." Antonio nodded, said something to the waitress, and they left.

Then, both knew exactly where to go. In ten minutes or so, they were at Emma's place.

She welcomed them warmly, gave them a table, and two menus. Her shop was pretty busy, too. She rushed from one table to another, hands full of delicious-looking plates and steaming beverages. She smiled to everyone, and always came back at least once to check if the clients didn't need anything.

Lovino's face relaxed in a vague smile while watching her fulfilling her dream. She looked truly happy, and that was very important to Lovino. People indeed looked best when doing what they liked.

Lovino looked back to Antonio, and, catching his warm gaze, he immediatly darted his eyes to the room, the menu, anywhere.

Antonio giggled to himself. Lovino kicked him angrily under the table.

"Ouch, hey !" the bastard dared to whine, rubbing his leg with one hand, yet laughing madly. "How can you hit someone like that, that's cold !" he pouted.

Lovino smirked. He wasn't so unhappy with himself when he managed to bring that face out of Antonio.

They ordered tons of pancakes, because they were both starving, and coffees, and the evening seemed to slip away unnoticed as they talked about everything they wanted to do, what they liked, and argued about food.

Lovino wasn't sure how, but they ended up walking on the beach, very close to each other, under an ink black sky and freezing wind.

"I wish I could see my brother..." Lovino said after a long moment of complete silence if not for the raging waves and hissing wind.

"Won't you go spend Christmas with him ?" Antonio asked.

Lovino frowned at the ground. "Well, I don't know. I think he spends Christmas with Ludwig in Germany."

"Who's Ludwig ?"

"Ah, sorry, he's his boyfriend."

Antonio didn't answer for a few seconds. "That's funny. Gil's brother is called Ludwig."

"He has a brother ?...well, I suppose it's not an uncommon name there."

Antonio laughed.

"And you ? Who are you spending the holidays with ?" he asked, half-conversationally, half-curious.

"I don't know. Gil goes with his family, and Francis's found a date I believe. I'm not sure." he smiled to Lovino saying that, warming up his whole body despite the numbing cold.

"Anyway...is it Christmas time yet ? What's the date today ?" Lovino asked, confused. He hadn't thought of the holiday at all, with everything that had happened.

"Yeah, it's like next week." Antonio said absently, like lost in his thoughts.

Wow, next week. Lovino would have to call Feli soon. Because, true, what was he doing on Christmas ?

Another silence. Lovino was starting to be really cold now. He leaned a little closer to Antonio, in hope to catch a bit of warmth.

"...Can I ask you a question ?" Antonio asked carefully after a while, and Lovino froze. His heart pounding rapidely, he told him to ask.

"Well..." Antonio's voice was a little shaky. "I wondered...uh...why did you, like...look angry at me after the evening we danced...?"

Oh, here it was. Well, they were going to discuss it someday, but still Lovino's throat was so tight it was aching, and he wanted to run away this very moment, to hide from the shame of his own person.

"I..." he tried, though he didn't have anything to put behind that. "I..." he said again, still no more ideas. "I did...didn't...I...felt..." he stuttered, becoming seriously stupid by now. He hid his face briefly in his hands, then blurted out, looking away.

"I freaked out. I guess." how eloquent, Lovino.

"Freaked out...?" Antonio repeated, perhaps trying to understand. "So...you weren't mad at me ?"

Lovino forced himself to look at Antonio, his face clenched in terror of him ever thinking this. Antonio's eyes were beautiful, the only light around, shining with concern and honesty.

"Antonio..." Lovino breathed. "How could I even be that ?" a small smile curled Antonio's lips, relief relaxing his features. "And why would I be ?" Lovino continued, trying to explain himself. "when really all this evening was..." he stopped, embarrassment shushing him suddenly. There was no words to describe Lovino's feelings that weren't totally lame and impossible to say out loud.

Playfulness rose in Antonio's eyes. "Was what ?" he asked teasingly.

"Was...oh, shut up." Lovino snapped back, tearing his gaze away.

Antonio giggled softly, and soon Lovino felt his breath a bit too close to his hair. "I thought it was, too..." he murmured against his ear, tickling it with warm breath.

Horrified, Lovino flew a hand to cover his ear, staring at Antonio with wide eyes. "D...Don't do that !" he cried out.

It was too much to aknowledge at once. Antonio thought it was, too. Antonio, who had brought him coffee in the morning and stayed by his side all night when he was sick worried, Antonio who talked so passionately about everything, as if the world was candy to him, this Antonio, this beautiful creature, who was presently walking ahead of Lovino, laughing joyfully like the silly man he was, that one, genuinely wanted to be around Lovino. Because he thought it was, too.

Since Antonio couldn't see him, Lovino gave up on the crazy happy smile threatening to burst on his face since the beginning of that evening.

For once, just for once, he wanted to believe that life could be simple.


End file.
